The Critical Mass Halloween Ride is tonight! If you go, get some good pictures!

THEATER: Sam Marks’s new play The Joke peels back the thin gauze separating comedy from an open wound. Set in the last throws of the Catskills comedy circuit circa 1965, the story concerns the disintegrating comedy duo of Steady Eddie and Doug the Mug. Doug has let his envy of Eddie get the better of him and begins adding more of his own caustic commentary into the act. The play alternates between their simmering onstage tension and their backstage bitterness, where the punch lines start landing below the belt. The Times deemed it “a tasty two-hander”; Michael Criscuolo described the performances as “savage, acerbic, biting, and downright feral.” – John Del Signore

Friday // 8pm // Studio Dante [257 W 29th St] // Tickets cost $35

EVENT: The Halloween Extravaganza and Procession of Ghouls is an annual tradition held at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. The celebration provides an evening of entertainment, both on and off screen. Starting out with a screening of Robert Wiene's 1920's classic The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari -- and followed by The Grand Procession of the Ghouls. Creator of New York City's Halloween Parade, Ralph Lee, "stages an impressive parade of ghoulish characters who slowly work their way down the center aisle, often interacting with audience members." Yikes!

Friday // 10pm // Cathedral of St. John the Divine [1047 Amsterdam Ave] // $15

FUNDRAISER: Tonight friends and strangers alike celebrate the life of Craig Murphey, who tragically lost his life last week while riding his bike in Brooklyn. His friends, deejays Finger on the Pulse, will be playing some tunes and the memorial fundraiser will raise money for Craig’s charity work, West Harlem Action Network Against Poverty. A little more about him and his work from the Director of Cathedral Community Cares, Raquel Granda:

"He served as a mentor to many VISTA volunteers at the New York City Coalition Against Hunger. He always took the time to explain to them the projects he was working on and how they could create similar opportunities for others. In his free time he even started a volunteer service, Right Rides for Women’s Safety, to make sure that someone was available to walk women home late at night in his Williamsburg neighborhood."

Friday // 11pm to 4am // Royal Oak [N 11th and Union,Williamsburg] // , flyer here

THEATER: Bronx-bred actor Chazz Palminteri has spent his career proving that he’s not just some go-to Guido in movies like Bullets Over Broadway. Besides being a performer of riveting power, Palminteri has distinguished himself as an observant and affecting playwright. His play A Bronx Tale was made into a film by Robert De Niro; the semi-autobiographical story of Chazz’s youth under the wing of an Italian-American crime boss is now being revived on Broadway. Palminteri plays over a dozen characters in this solo show, which the Times’s Charles Isherwood (remember him?) quite enjoyed, calling it “a rejuvenating act of faith in the complementary powers of acting and storytelling.” – John Del Signore

Saturday // 2pm & 8pm // Walter Kerr Theatre [219 West 48th St] // Ticket prices vary

ART: Sam Horine is showing off his shots this weekend at Garage Gallery. Check out a selection of photographs that will be on exhibit here (that's one of our faves, pictured), and you can purchase photos starting next week, here.

Saturday // Opening 8 to 11pm // Garage Gallery [291 8th St, Park Slope] // Free

MONSTER BASH: Zombies, they're everywhere! Doing yoga, taking over the city...there's no escaping the undead. So if you can't beat 'em, why not join 'em? Saturday night there's a "mind bending Halloween surf party" called Psycho Beach Blowout. The first 20 people who show up in costume get a FREE pair of custom Vans sneakers, and everyone will get to see performances by The Tarantinos NYC, Sasquatch and the Sick-a-billys, Detroit Cobras and Burlesque by Angie Pontani of the World Famous Pontani Sisters. There will also be a costume contest and screenings of zombie flicks. The best part? It's a benefit for The Surfrider Foundation. More info here.

Saturday // 7:30pm // Southpaw // $15

EVENT: Hudson River Park is hosting a Pier of Fear this weekend! The two days will include "one of Manhattan’s largest, best and free haunted houses. This Maze of Horrors includes a guided tour through eerie hallways and freaky rooms in complete darkness. As night falls, the maze becomes even spookier for adults and older children. For the faint of heart, plenty of other ghoulishly good activities will keep you in the Halloween spirit."

Saturday and Sunday // Noon to 9pm // Hudson River Park's Pier 54 // Free

DOG PARADE: It's the 17th Annual Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade! Please note that the pups won't be out on Saturday, as scheduled, but Sunday (due to the impending weather). Prepare to ooh and ahh over the costumed canines, or bring your own dog -- but you better have a good costume, check out these from last year!

Sunday // Tompkins Square Park dog park // Free

MUSIC: Hyped band Yeasayer are helping to kick off the Crown Point Festival this Sunday at the Abrons Art Center (get the full music lineup here). Catch them before they head across the pond for a tour. And check out the three week festival, which will include a ton of pioneering artists in film, theater and music -- more details at their website.

Listen: Sunrises.mp3 - Yeasayer

Sunday // 8pm // Abrons Art Center [466 Grand St] // TBA

NYC's Tourism board has a ton of suggestions for your Halloween weekend here!