THEATER: We like our comedy like we like our women: black and absurd. So it’s promising that the press release for a new play by Kevin Mandel uses those two irresistible words to describe A New Television Arrives, Finally. The strange story concerns “an American couple visited by a charismatic man presenting himself as a television set. Is the handsome stranger a charlatan or a guru?” Emmy award-winning actor Tom Pelphrey [Guiding Light] leads the cast at tonight’s premiere performance. - John Del Signore

7pm // Theatre 54 [244 W 54th St, 12th floor] // Tickets cost $15.

READING: Tonight Paul Auster reads from his book Inner Life of Martin Frost. The novel is based on the imaginary film from his other novel The Book of Illusions. If that's not confusing enough...the book based on the film in the other book is also on the big screen for real, with Auster as director and writer and a cast that includes his daughter Sophie and Michael Imperioli. Check it out at IFC.

7pm // Barnes & Noble [33 E 17th St] // Free

MOVIE: You've seen it before, you'll see it again...and maybe you'll see it tonight? Woody Allen's Manhattan screens at MoMA...but before you go, check out some of the spots in the film. From the Woody Allen Walking Tour:

"A young Mariel Hemingway played Woody’s teenage love interest in the film, and it was at John’s Pizzeria (278 Bleecker Street in Greenwich Village) where she broke the news to him that she was off to London to study. A real-life haunt of Woody’s, the classic New York restaurant Elaine’s, (1703 Second Avenue between East 88th and East 89th Street) is where the film opens, with Woody waxing on to his friends about the trials and tribulations of dating a 17-year old. The iconic poster image for the film of Woody and Diane Keaton seating on a bench together was shot at Riverview Terrace on Sutton Square, just beneath the 59th Street Bridge on the east side of Manhattan. Perhaps the most famous scene from the movie, this is where Woody and Diane Keaton watch the sun come up together, in the shadow of the bridge. (There’s no longer a bench located where the pair sat.)"

8pm // MoMA [11 W 53rd St] // $11

MUSIC: A lot of the big shows may be sold out tonight...but tickets are still on sale for The Veils at Bowery Ballroom. If you're looking to put a little music in your Monday, this may just be the perfect place.

10pm // Bowery Ballroom [6 Delancey St] // $15

Over at Union Hall Andrew Dost of Anathallo, The Cotton Jones Basket Ride which features Michael of Page France, and Brooklyn band Twin Thousands will all be taking the stage.

8pm // Union Hall [702 Union St, Park Slope]