"Glutenous" -- unintentionally hilarious.

go to places that offer prix-fixe dinners. duh.

Why is it that the people who tend towards alcoholism are the ones who want to split the bill evenly and then cry cheapskate if you choose not to subsidize their binge-drinking?

When I go out with friends, we always split the tab and never have a problem. There is one couple with whom we socialize who drink like fish. They always want to split the bill evenly. I agree to do so because I enjoy their company and because this is not an everyday occurrence.

I rarely dine with a group of people that I don't know well and generally avoid office birthday dinner parties.

Here are my tried and true rules for these types of situations.

When you are the host, or guest of honor:

1. You can pick an expensive place, but then invite only your close friends, SO, and be willing to chip in. I have never had to, nor have I ever allowed a close friend of mine to pick up their share of the bday dinner, but it is still polite to offer.

2. If you are aiming for a larger group, try to go BYOB. This gives you a lot more flexibility. Guests can bring what they want to drink, and split the food cost. Or, the option that I really like is the host/ess or his/her SO pick up the dinner tab, and guests just worry about their alcohol. Plus, no one really complains about a free meal, and you can limit the menu choices. Pre order appetizers, and have a set list of entrees & maybe two deserts.

As a guest:

1. Don't be afraid to say no. We do not have to accept every invitation we are offered. I have often regretted spending $50 and up on a bday dinner for someone I am not that close too. You can always meet up later for a drink.

2. If the venue is trendy or expensive, expect to pay more, order what you would if you were out on your own, and be somewhat prepared to subsidize the people who down martinis as if they were water. It stinks, and I always struggle with it, but unfortunately there are a lot of assholes in this world and and we often have to deal with them. On the flip side, if your taste in booze runs towards single-malts and pricey wines, always offer to pony up more. However, never view the group dinner as a chance to "order up" and have your meal subsidized by someone else.

3. View your chunk of the tab for the guest of honor as his/her birthday gift. I only purchase gifts for very close friends, I simply don't have time to go shopping for everyone else. The birthday dinner saves you a trip to the store, or scouring the internet looking for an appropriate gift.

As an aside, I entertain all the time for work... I am generally spot on when it comes to guessing a restaurant bill or a bar tab. However, there is almost a large group tax... it's always about 20% more than what you would figure. Its just the way the world works.

Closest person to the guest of honor is the treasurer unless he/she appoints somebody else. They should not be drunk. Their job is to check the bill for accuracy, check to see if tip is included, and calculate total amount of cash needed. They should then divide by number of guests and announce the "average cost per person" along with a reminder that people should put it more or less depending on how much wine they drank and how much they ordered. The bill should be placed in the center of the table for inspection by others. It's fair and not obnoxious. In my experience it usually works out perfectly, but small underages can be made up discreetly by the treasurer, who as the closest friend should just suck it up, and small overages should be distributed evenly or left to the waitstaff.

Personally, when I'm in this situation, I do tend to throw in more for my inevitably more expensive tab because I am a big eater and drinker and I realize how my order will impact the average, and also, SHOCKER, have covered for FRIENDS who were broke and yet still wanted to have fun. "Dont worry, get the ___, we can spot you." Thats not a problem and shouldnt be among friends. It's the people who are deliberately behaving like accountants at dinner that disgust me.

- DO pay more than your fair share if you can afford it. People watching their pennies will round down. Don't embarrass them or the guest of honor. Just anticipate it and contribute 20% more right away.

- DON'T split the check or use separate credit cards. That's just obnoxious and declasse.

"But if it ends up being any more than that (if they had steak + champagne and I had a baked potato and water) then its just not fair."

You would totally not be invited to my birthday party.

Good grief. I knew I led a sheltered life but I had to Google BYOB and SO :)

I had my birthday party last night. I went to the Union Square greenmarket, bought vegetables totaling up to about $40 and made a fresh, delicious pasta sauce for myself and all my friends.

It was BYOB. Cheap and delicious for everyone.

I'm sorry - but all you people saying "I keep track of what I ate/drank and then only pay for that" - that simply does not work with more than 5 or 6 people. Every time i have ever been out to a big dinner and everybody does this the bill is 20-40% under - and everyone swears that put in what they owed. Someone always screws it up. The only way to not spend an hour embarrassing yourselves is to split evenly - it sucks for the light eaters or the non-drinkers, but know that coming in and fill on up!

I have been personally crusading against the big dinner for over 7 years. Six people should be the legal limit on tables. I'm involved in a grass roots movement specifically for single people called SABD (pronounced Saa Baa Doo) Single Against Big Dinners.

As far as the check goes I'm a big fan of credit card roulette. It's fast, easy, and everyone wins except the one guy who loses.

one of my college friends suckered me into going to his bday dinner 2 years in a row. all of his "friends" there insisted on splitting the bill evenly which came out to $50 per person. Me being conservative with my meal only hurt me. Argh!

i keep a mental tab on what i ordered and put in the appropriate amount with a 20% tip, and ask what my share is to cover for the birthday girl or guy. if the pile of cash falls a bit short of the bill i'll toss in an extra few bucks, no big deal. i'm generally not a fan of the "divide equally" policy as an across-the-board thing, but once bottles of wine are shared and appetizers ordered for the table, i feel like that rule does automatically kick in (for anyone who partakes), if only for simplicity's sake. sometimes a person may be taking a break from drinking, trying to eat less, or is on a tight budget... it doesn't mean they should be financing everyone else's meals just so they can celebrate with their friend.

from yayhooray on this subject:

"i usually drink a lot and pick exactly what i want on the menu at a birthday party, i never choose the cheap dish, i just go with the attitude like this is a time for gluttony and festivity, and then i never leave feeling like i got jipped. i am also very observant of what other people at the table order, so if someone gets just a side salad, when they bring the bill, i'll be the first one to be like, how about you just pay $____ and we will split the rest...."

-prude

ftw, imo

i wonder if they had hot potatoes for dinner...cause this is one HOT POTATO OF A NEWS STORY!!!!!!

;)

Kidding, love this site and chicagoist...and torontoist and shanghaist.

lurve

matty

yeah, remind me never to go to dinner with a lameass vegetarian non-drinker

Why's everybody spending so much time with cheapskates and assholes?

Thanks, Jen, for doing this story. I somehow missed it in the Times and I just had a conversation (filled with frustration) with friends about this very issue!

I usually tell all my friends to meet me at a bar for drinks for my birthday - that way there's none of this huge birthday dinner b.s.

I did have one dinner for a "milestone" birthday, but the entrees were all similarly priced and we shared appetizers and bottles of wine so our cost at the end would've been essentially the same anyway. If it had seemed unequivocal, my friends are honest enough people to volunteer to pay extra if they got more. No need for squabbling or discussions of any kind.