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There is a moment every new parent comes to, a moment of bargaining, when you would give literally ANYTHING to get that baby to sleep. Gothamist, in the throes of sleep deprivation, considered ritualistic sacrifice of farm animals and even good ol' Catholic prayer...but $50,000 for a "sleep coach"? Really?
Outsourcing parental duties is old news here in NYC, but the celebrity being attained by these pricey sleep coaches is simply surprising. The NY Times profiled some of these emerging gurus and found they had a near cult-like following:
“If you’re a parent in this business,” said Suzanne Todd, a film producer and mother of three, “you probably have Jackie, Donna, Jill and Jen, and Betsy in your Rolodex.” She said that these consultants are like movie stars who can easily be identified by their first names, and it would be clear to any of her colleagues with children that she was referring to Ms. Rosenberg; Donna Holloran, the founder of Babygroup Inc., a Westside mommy-and-me group; Jill Spivack and Jennifer Waldburger, the owners of Sleepy Planet, a sleep-training practice; and Betsy Brown Braun, a parenthood expert who runs groups on child development.
Parents are using coaches to not only improve their own parenting, but to get references for elite preschools as well. And parents are so under the spell of these coaches that one who had something negative to say refused to give a name, fearing the backlash.
So what's the real deal on sleep coaching? What does this industry filled with experts and myriad schools of thought boil down to? You could read all the books: The No Cry Sleep Solution, On Becoming Babywise, Healthy Sleep Habits Health Child, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems, etc. In fact, Gothamist would be happy to lend them to you. After all that reading, however, you'd be no better off. They posit some crazy ideas and often contradict each other. The truth is that many of these books promise a full night's sleep by 3 months, while sleeping through at 3 months is something that often just happens naturally. Furthermore, many of these books consider 6-7 hours "through the night". Most parents are looking for something closer to 12.
Enter the coaches. When everything else fails, call an expert to actually do the work for you. "Good Morning America Weekend Edition" co-anchor, Kate Snow recently hired Suzy Giordano to get her 11 week old daughter to sleep. Giordano charges $60 an hour. For an all night session that's $720 and it will likely take her much longer than one night. Three months,the length of time it usually takes for a baby to become a night sleeper, and you're out fifty grand.
It seems like a drastic measure, but what are the alternatives? Is it better to end up with all of your children in bed with you, stealing the covers and keeping you up? The NY Times article about the parents who shell out the big bucks to build "Princess rooms" only to have their tots preferring to sleep elsewhere makes the pricey sleep coach seem reasonable. There is a great deal of emotional turmoil involved in listening to your baby cry when you could so easily comfort them by taking them out of the crib and keeping them close. Many parents give in only to regret it years later. Other parents fully embrace co-sleeping and do it happily for years. The magic of the sleep coach is that they have no emotional attachment to your child. They can come in and simply ignore the crying guilt-free. And that's what your money gets you. You are paying someone to bear the burden of your guilt so you can swoop in like a hero in the morning, well rested and cheery.
Gothamist Baby was never coached in sleeping. We struggled through it, tried everything, sometimes nothing, and now he sleeps 12 hours a night with a two-hour nap every day. Jealous? Gothamist will gladly offer you our services...and at a discounted rate of only $500 a night. Of course, we'll only be staying in your home, eating your food, watching your tv and ignoring your baby, but we promise it will definitely work.
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Having raised 2 children and shared experiences with other mothers, it's apparent each child is different and will settle into his/her own sleeping pattern eventually. Out Gothamist child slept through the night at 6 weeks and slept a total of 18 hours a day until she was 8 months old. Little brother was colicky and cried for 2 hours every night (always woke up at 1:30AM) for 3 months. But after that he was fine until he was 2 years old and decided to climb into our bed in the middle of the night...but that is another story. In my view, sleep coaches are over-rated.
Sleep coaching sound like nonsense to me, but I was lucky. My first daughter slept through the night (and by that I mean from around 11:00 to 5:00... which, trust me, is HEAVEN) from Day 3 on. My second daughter? Week six. As toddlers and elementary school kids, they also slept until well past 8:00 or even 9:00 on weekends. I wish I could tell you why, or what we "did", but it just happened.
And what going on with us these days? Glad you asked...
scoboco.blogspot.com
I'm not a baby person (at all), but the baby picture above is really cute. Because of the picture, I even read this article which has absolutely no pertinence to my life. However, to comment on the article I will say that I don't understand why people have children if they are going to hire sleep trainers, nannies, etc. to care for the child.
My daughter barely slept 10 hours as a newbie (17-20 is normal). We found out quickly why the first thing interrogators do to prisoners is deprive them of sleep. So I could see where someone who could spend fifty grand on a car or a sleep coach would opt for the latter. So on the one hand it's just capitalism at work.
But on the *other* hand, people... puh-lese! Get one of those automatic swings! It's a lot less than 50K! And yes, when the kid nods off you do see the face of God.
You obviously are not a parent if you actually expect a baby to sleep 12 hours through the night.
Ummm...at three months, no a baby would not usually sleep twelve hours. From like 9 months on, yes, they can and often do.
I am a parent and that's what I have personally experienced.
In my limited experience, at three months the kid started sleeping through the night with no interruptions. That means from ~8PM to ~7AM the next day. He still does that 14 months later. It's heavenly. I know it's going to change, but for now it's great.
Sleep coach? WTF?
Are they your acheivment trophies or your kids?
Kids sleep, eat, poop, etc. based on their needs.
And kids vary, even in families.
Now, colicky, that's a whole different story.
Maybe if you spent some time interacting with your adopted Asian, rather that your Pilates and Crackberry addiction, they'd feel better.
Kids are a helluva a lot more adaptable than you think. Fussy? throw 'em in your lap while you cruise the net or watch the news. Interact rather than toss 'em in the SUV stroller while you have cucumber slices rubbed on your butt or your botox injected. Maybe if you were a better parent this would not be an issue. Or maybe if they don't sleep it's because thsy wonder "Hey where's my sweet Haitian mommy that cares for me all day and treats me so nice(ly)."
And yes, I have cool 9-year old twins, live in NYC and me & the missus are professionals without trust funds.
No SUVs, no tantrums, polte kids, spend a lotta time together, no coaches, just a Mom & Dad.
And before you start ranting on Wall Street bonuses & shit, we don't do that. Not our professions. And I'm from Brooklyn. Learned by example from my Brooklyn-born parents. when it comes down to it, the kids are your most important asset in life
Cut the yuppie BS.
Be a Parent.
Bofug
Dear mags, I'll be a mom on 6th month and Im awaiting for my first baby, but im scared if i can't be a good mom for him ;-). And I read your another post about 'Opinionist: When Baby Blogs Go Bad', actually, I wanna add a comment there, but there's no from to fill my comment. so I write here, if you don't mind. Im agree with you, if that girl its such an dreamer, and im curious about her, so I try to open her Xanga, but, I cant found her page. I'm wondering, What kind of girl is she? what banefit she got from put your baby picture on her page??
But I can't deny that your baby, its so adorable :-). Who's his name?
Regards,
Helen.