Extra, Extra

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Yes, I thought so.

A. to just saying - yes I have been known to be a drunk dialer

B. to Whoa Nellie - you're probaly the same idiot that posted this shit - eat my raw Greek bone then choke then die - painfully

C. to Schadenfreudian Mensch and howard beech - where are these brothels again?

D. to spyrophiliac - marry me?

Spyro does not need to chill out. Spyro is a GOD.

Maybe they go to the Asian ones nowadays.

But when I was growing up, you have the Mexican one's all over Jackson Heights. We're talking brothels not massage parlor fronts, you go into a home and you have people lined up ready for your turn in a room.

Yes, there are lot's of hard working Italians in Queens, Middle village for one.

"Queens the only place where Italian teens can lose their virginity in a mexican brothel."

Mexican? I thought they went to the Asian brothels. Are there still Italians left in Queens?

Spyro needs to chill out.

What's more annoying than fresh-off-the-boat/plane/train/whatever New Yorkers? Bitter, outer-borough "New Yorker" never-weres that keep harping on about how they're keepin' it real.

Why do I think that Spyro might be a drunk dialer?

OK Jackass! Let's take your craigslist post down 1 thing at a time.

WHY I HATE QUEENS, NEW YORK

I’ve been living in Queens, New York for 9 months, re-located from San Francisco, and I HATE this freakin’ shit-hole. Here are just a few of the reasons this place SUCKS (don’t ever come here if you can avoid it):

1. For one, it’s an ugly, ugly, ugly concrete-laden place.

Ugly? Concrete Laden? Welcome to NY jerky! Sorry we have na amber waves og grain for your comfort! I don't remeber the Tenderloin being all flowers and cheer in SF though.

2. It’s very over-priced for what you get.

Uhm once again - WELCOME TO NY - but then again it's idiot transplants like you WHO PAY THESE PRICES that drive the rents of native New Yorkers through the ceiling - thanks asshole! And also San Francisco isn't over priced?

3. Because of all the KFCs, Burger King’s, Wendy’s, White Castles lining the streets – misery marts targeting poor people who can’t afford “real” food.

Sorry the local Tofuterias haven't been built - hell I hate McDonalds and such but here's how you deal with them - DON'T FREAKING PATRONIZE THEM - I swear you probably rail about fast food but shop at Trader Joe's or Starbucks because it's full of morons just like you!

4. There are more .99 cent stores than bookstores (actually, there are no bookstores anywhere in my neighborhood).

So open a bookstore if it bothers you so much! I LOVE .99 STORES - but most of them are going out of business because of the gentrified nightmare people like you would love to see NYC become!

5. Because of all the breeder families and their hordes of overweight, unhealthy children.

OOOOO you are so fit and perfect - please tell us all how to eat and breed and shop! Because you are amazing and wise and oh yeah SKINNY - being SKINNY is SOOO important - get your head out your ass, have a french fry and lighten up!

6. I get called “mami” whenever I walk down the street. (I usually yell back that if I were their “mami”, I would have gotten an abortion.)

Um Mami and Poppy are what some New Yorker's call each other - you should have grown up where I did because there we'd just call you BITCH - and that's if we liked you.

7. People are so unhealthy and out of shape here – worn down from working too hard, eating nothing but fast-food, and supporting their massive families.

We are so sorry that the poor get in the way of your enjoyment - why don't you volunteer to bring these people (who have been heere GENERATIONS longer than you, yopu schmuck!) free pilates and yoga classes oh all knowing one!

8. No one, and I mean no one, speaks English. (I’ve always been tolerant of people who are newly emigrated to the country and the time it takes to learn English – after all, my grandparents were immigrants -- but when you’re standing in line at Walgreens and the cashier and customers are in a screaming match because neither speaks enough English to communicate to each other, something is very WRONG.)

Oh My God - you're one of those minute men aren't you - hovering near the borders with a high powered rifle waiting to take out border crossing Mexicans - nope actually you're even worse than that you're a freaking liberal when it's convenient aren't you? But if it takes an extra minute to get a coffee because a vendor's English is poor - well then - SHIP EM ALL BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM!

9. The post office is one of the most miserable places I’ve ever been to in my life – with disgruntled postal workers sitting behind plexi-glass and all the senior citizens taking their slow-ass time in line. The line always goes out the door. (Oh, and no one speaks the same language here either.)

Once again - it's all about your comfort now isn't it - now even old people need to be interred at Gitmo because they are too slow while licking the stamp for the birthday card that is going to some ungrateful grandchild like you! PS Post Offices all over the world suck - that's why the rest of us FedEx.

10. Because of the women who use their shopping carts and baby carriages as weapons when walking down the street to cut you off.

No it's that you're just not in pace with the rest of New York - you're the pedestrian version of someone driving 40 MPH in the fast lane with their turn signal on for miles - I bet you're one of those oblivious miscreants that talks on their cell phone while casually strolling - you probably abruptly stop at the SUBWAY entrance irritating all behind you - don't you? You are clueless to naught but whatever happens to be on your iPod because NY scares and intimaidates you - wuss.

11. Store owners will only be friendly to you after the 50th time you’ve been there.

Have you ever tried smiling? They might smile back. Actually don't bother - it seems like it's been a while since you have and I don't want you to sprain your pie hole!

12. Because of all the pregnant teens.

Once again - if it doesn't fit into your worldview it's ugly and wrong - teens with babies are a problem NOT a nuissance - YOU are a nuissance.

13. The supermarkets suck – the produce looks months old and smells like it is riddled with insecticide.

There you go again. Tell you what. I'll call the mayor and tell him to please erect malls and walmarts all over Queens because some fools lettuce is a little wilted - two words - Fresh Direct!

14. The only “classy” café in the whole neighborhood has sucky coffee and they use margarine instead of butter for their bagels. How classy.

Classy? You want classy? MOVE TO PARIS. I bet they won't like you there either!

15. Cashiers never ever say thank-you back.

Why do you feel people owe you so much? Jesus the man or woman in your life must be a doormat because you seem to think EVERYONE is on this planet for you to wipe your feet on - but that aside - here you go...

Thank you sssssoooooooo much for spending .25 on that pack of Wrigley! ALL OF NEW YORK thanks you! Happy now?

16. It’s the godforsaken borough of New York – where people are allowed to fester for 10 days in 100-degree weather without any electricity.

Shit happens - Con Ed sucks and black outs occur everywhere - suck it up panzy ass! I'm sure you didn't set your AC at 78 though - did you?

17. People feed their kids shit – sugary candy, gallons of soda, salty potato chips – just pure crap. No wonder their 5 year-olds weigh more than I do.

You are OBSESSED with food and your weight - what do you care about other peoples kids? It must be that you're anaorexic or were once fat - that must be the answer because my lady - thou dost complaineth too much! Out! Out damn lunch!

18. The 7-train is constantly under construction or breaking down.

So is the L - so is the G - so is the R so what? Buy a car if you don't like it. For all it's faults NYC is still the easiest place in the damn world to get around - and if you are so damn health finnicky anyway - freakin walk why don't you!

19. All the food carts that line the streets cook some ungodly-smelling meats that fill the air and smell like 3-day old putrid death. Beef tongue, anyone?

Now I'm sure - you're a foodaphobic. You're one of those annoying pests that sends their food back several times at local eateries. I used to wait tables for a lving - do you know what waiters like me used to do to your food? I'll spare you the details - it would make you throw yourself off a bridge.

20. Because a car alarm goes off every minute.

A car owned by some other transplant like you who has no idea what it's like to live in a closely packed urban environment and get on with their neighbors - if you had a car I'm sure you's have an alarm - so all those ladies with shopping carts, overweight kids and old people won't go near it!

21. You order something at a restaurant that’s supposed to be “vegetarian” and there are bits of unidentified meat in it.

I knew it - a vegetarian - MOVE BACK TO CALIFORNIA! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE - STOP BREATHING MY FINE NY AIR!

22. Because of all the women who walk around in berkas in 100-degree weather.

OK, you're a bigot - (of course you disguise this as feminism) I don't hear you complaining about the hasids in overcoats and hats - oh because that's men making a decision based on faith - not women being oppressed right - I respect all that as crazy as it looks - male female moslem or jew - it's wht we love about NY diversity - PS those women in the berkas can kick your lilly whit ass.

23. The streets smell like urine and 6-day old garbage.

Ah the sweet aroma of New York. Don't like it? Do us a favor and stop breathing!

24. Because of the inhumane way people treat their pets -- pit-bulls being kepts in cramped apartments, dogs being literally dragged down the street on their leashes, people hitting their dogs or abandoning their cats.

OK I don't approve animal cruelty but something about you smells of PETA - so every observation you make is suspect - cats are many times feral and on the streets for generations. Live with it.

25. People slap their kids in public.

I wish someone would slap you...IN PUBLIC!

26. Because of the pet store down the street that I have to walk by all the time, which keeps puppies and kitties and parakeets in cramped, unhealthy and inhumane cages.

So buy them all and liberate them - bitch,bitch,bitch that's all you freaking do!

27. Creepy adult men hang out in the one (pathetic) playground in the neighborhood all day and night long, leaving little room for the kids to play. I wouldn’t take my kid there, supervised or not. I don’t know why those middle-aged men have so much time on their hands. Are they pedophiles? Dealing drugs? Just tired of hanging out at the bar where the other adults are?

Because it's a PUBLIC PARK and in America we are ALLOWED TO AMASS IN PUBLIC PLACES without fear of oppression by the like of you - join your neighborhood watch orgaqnization if you are worried about all the non-english speaking, overweight kids and their moms in the berkas who won't say thank you back when you shop in their urine smelling stores.

28. Because my car stereo was stolen 3 weeks after getting here.

That was YOUR car stereo? - damn! I couldn't get 10 bucks for that piece of crap - Lady who the hell still has a tape deck? CD players are the way to go - really.

29. There are more sports bars than schools.

You don't have kids! Why do you care? Please please never breed! Your genes would taint us all with dreaded LAMENESS.

30. Because of the restaurant workers who carry unwrapped whole dead pigs in daylight, flung over their shoulders like a rucksack, and call it “food”.

MMMMMMMM Give me hunk of smoked pernil(roast pork chica) and cooked right of the spit with the skin all chewy and crispy all greasy and garlicy!

Anytime - oh yeah! Please stay vegetarian - more meat for NORMAL PEOPLE!

31. Because of all the off-track betting places. So ghetto.

No she didn't! She did not just call Queens ghetto! Holy shit - you really would wash the green off the Statue of Liberty - You'd make pizza with ketchup! You are pert of the anti-fun league - New Yorker's everywhere reject you.

32. Because of all the smokers.

Suck my second hand cancer baby - that's right as long as it's legal - I'll be that asshole blowing into your hair - I love the smell of Nicotine ib the morning ...smell like, Victory!

33. There are no “real” queens (i.e., cool gay dudes) in Queens – in fact, this is homophobe central.

I'm sorry - how about we ask the gay community to send some real gays down to Queens so that they may dance with you and be your best buddy because you deserve that.

Finally

Bitch - you don't like it here! MOVE!

Brooklyn tripsters and trendsters are indeed all conformists - they buy into trends just like mall-obsessed highschool girls with dad's credit card in hand!

Yet, they don't realize this?

Anyway, my favorite criticism of Queens so far: it smells like Archie Bunker. What does that even mean?

La Dooth, you think you've got it bad? I live in Hoboken, NJ. Imagine having to defend an entire state.

But I guess if everyone is throwing some ill spit, I will to. "F all the greasy hipsters in Brooklyn. You aren't cool, in fact you are a bigger conformist than some guy in a suburb in Ohio who wears Dockers and St Johns Bay button downs from JC Penney."

The saddest thing is that the "I hate Queens" poster would probably describe herself as "progressive." What a jerk.

Many children here are terribly fed and fat - but that's also true in Brooklyn and the other boroughs. I'm always amazed when I see toddlers eating a bag of UTZ. I also saw a tiny baby in a stroller once eating a push-up pop. gross.

I've found that most people that dislike boroughs other than manhattan are those that aren't real new yorkers - ie, not born and bred. The real ones know how to and why one should appreciate the whole city - not just the nobu and manolo side.

even if we're not splitting hairs over how many hundreds of thousands of people live in it, queens is a pretty damn big place, and i assure the author of that list, not "homophobe central." wow - has she been to forest park on a sunday? hung out at any gay bars in astoria? there's lots of cool gay dudes in queens who can't afford the rent in chelsea.

there's also a lot of resources for gay people in the borough.

http://queenspridehouse.tripod.com/links.html

and for gay youth:

Generation Q, a drop-in center established by the Forest Hills Community House for LGBT and questioning teens, offers a great variety of programs for youth. Just drop by!

pardon my statistics - they are from the 2000 census. no sarcasm needed; it was an honest mistake, so queens is in the top 5 of what we're talking about, not that top 4. and it's the 2nd most diverse county, not first. my point is - queens is big and diverse, and shouldn't be bashed.

I love that you bolded the parts in your post that were false. Awesome reading time fun! Anyhow, Brooklyn would actually be the 4th largest city, not Queens. And neither brooklyn nor queens are larger than Chicago, since that city is #3 and actually has 1,000,000 more people than Queens. And Boston only has 660,000 people. It's actually smaller than all 5 boroughs, including the most underrated of them all, Staten Island. Okay, SI is a shithole, but there's nice views of NY harbor there and the Ferry is...well it's something.

Oh, and Los Angeles County is actually considered the most diverse county in the US according to the Census Bureau, if you trust those folks, but Queens is second (Brooklyn is 3rd by the way).

I love queens till Wiley's closed.

Queens the only place where Italian teens can lose their virginity in a mexican brothel.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Oh my f*ckin' god ... best comment ever! Amen. Every point = dead on.

the "why i hate living in queens" post on craigslist is exactly what you would get from someone who has only lived in new york for 9 months. i hate to break it to you sister - duane reade and the post office suck everywhere - especially manhattan! it's not just queens.

but even amongst habitants who've been here longer, we get it - queens isn't hip!

but hating it? from this woman's post it's pretty obvious she's not ventured astray from a .5 mile radius from where she lives. but somehow, she's gotten a view of ALL of queens. the most diverse county in the country. the borough that - if it were its own city - would be the 4th largest in the nation (ahead of chicago, philadelphia and boston).

in other words, this woman clearly doesn't like her *neighborhood* - but if she wants to extend her displeasure to today's rather meaningless county borders, she can be my guest. i hope come lease time, she eschews our borough and heads straight for yorkville. where she can wait forever for a bus to take her to a subway to take her to an interesting place in her new home borough of MANHATTAN where the streets are paved with cosmos! "i'll never live IN QUEENS again! MAYBE i'll live in williamsburg!"

some things i love about queens: the 7 train is tied for 1st place in terms of frequency - it comes every 2.5 minutes during rush hour. my rent is cheap and has been in all of the neighborhoods i've lived in this borough. i've made a hobby of exploring queens and still haven't made a dent in it, and i'm excited to keep going.

if there's one generalization i will make about queens, it's that the people in it aren't pretentious in the slightest. isn't that refreshing in new york?

but hey, i know it's cool not to like queens - it's part of the reason i like it, plus it keeps my rent down. but there's no need to completely bash an entire borough and the people that live in it because you don't like the fact that in your hood, there's a high incidence of foreign and overweight people. or that you see pregnant teens. if you were expecting sex in the city in elmhurst, you were sadly mistaken my friend.

p.s. this post also has an undercurrent of xenophobia. yes, real immigrants live in queens, and no, english isn't their first language. they might wear burkas. and like most people who just arrived in this country or are struggling to make ends meet, they aren't vegetarians, and in fact, have a whole host of challenges, diet and otherwise, that you or i will probably never understand. just because your grandparents were immigrants (whose weren't?) doesn't mean you can bash them. they moved there for the same reason you did - cheap rent. wake up and smell the decaf!

I remember the look on the face of my visiting cousin from California when someone near to her spit in the street. I concluded that spitting in the street may not be a generally accepted activity in California.

>>>29. There are more sports bars than schools.

30. Because of the restaurant workers who carry unwrapped whole dead pigs in daylight, flung over their shoulders like a rucksack, and call it “food”.

31. Because of all the off-track betting places. So ghetto.

32. Because of all the smokers.

Yeah. And?....

www.forgotten-ny.com in fab Flushing