Culture and the Bear Mountain Suicide

A Queens pastor spoke to the NY Times about what he feels are misunderstanding from the police about the suicide of Staten Island resident Hejin Han and the subsequent charge that her husband, Victor, helped promote her suicide. A week ago, the Han family, including their 3 and 5 year old daughters, went to Bear Mountain, where Hejin Han drove their minivan off a cliff with the girls in the back. The girls were safe, but police have charged Victor Han with "promoting" his wife's death, after he told them his wife had mentioned suicide and that he stepped out of the car before the plunge. It's unclear whether or not those charges will stick, but Han's family - including his in-laws - have been vocal in telling reporters that the State Parks Police have it all wrong.

The Reverend Youn Lee explained the cultural significance of Koreans mentioning suicide:

"He said she was upset about things like unpaid bills, but mainly it was that they weren't spending enough time together," Mr. Lee said. Mr. Han said that during their arguments, his wife did speak of suicide, the pastor said, but Mr. Han did not take her words literally because, between Korean couples, mentioning suicide is taken less as a literal statement of intention than as accepted hyperbole to emphasize discontent.

"The way an American might say, 'I could just kill you,' but not really mean it," Mr. Lee said.

"In Korean culture, when a husband and wife say to each other, 'I want to kill myself,' you do not accept it so literally," Mr. Lee said. "It means it is a request of something to your partner to correct something. It means that 'I am unhappy about something, and I want you to do something about it.' "

Mentions of suicide are common in arguments between Korean couples, the pastor said, but few carry it out because of strong cultural taboos.

Family and friends believe that Hejin Han's death was an accident.

You can read Victor Han's deposition of the events at SI Advance. Meanwhile, the psychiatric hospital observing Han has not released him, in spite of pleas saying he should not be separated from his children.

Photograph by Kathy Willens/AP

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By Jen Chung in News on June 22, 2006 9:39 AM

Comments [rss]

XLP

This is another case of the idiot police making a criminal out of someone who is innocent.

One life has already been lost why ruin 3 more in the lives of the husband and the children?

Ultimately a person is responsible for his or her OWN actions.

To charge this guy with promoting a suicide is really stretching things.

Even if you hand someone a gun and they shoot themselves, the person who shot themselves is the one responsible. Whether you thought they would shoot themselves or not should have no relevance. The person committing suicide is the one ultimately responsible for their actions.

The asinine culture of America is turning into one of passing the blame. Everything is someone else's fault.

It is not like she was incapable of killing herself and he assisted with her suicide Jack Kevorkian style. Who in my opinion a folk hero. If I am old and sick I hope someone has the compassion in their heart to help me end my suffering. Whatever happens it would be MY decision.

A close friend of mine sadly committed suicide. There were no real signs, and chances are, anything I would have said or done would not have helped anyway. He was a manic depressive. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. I was totally surprised by his death.

This poor guy's biggest mistake was probably that he really did not think or believe his wife would actually kill herself.

But he should not be held responsible for what was ultimately her own decision and actions.

S.D.

IMO, I think the Police is stretching it. After 15 hours of interrogation after such an event, I think he'd say anything.

Also, Depressed or not, his wife drove the car off the cliff. At the least, she was a victim of depression and probably not rational, but the bottom line is, she did this not him.

tien

quite a scenic place to let your wife kill herself and your kids.

if what the police say is true, i'm not sure someone that keeps the kids in the car when their mother is about to drive off the side should ever be with those children again.