Pizza Marriage Consummated; No Word Yet on Shake Shack Bris

Tch, tch, tch...how dare this couple not live up to the lofty expectations of snarky, shallow Gothamist readers. And her arm...ugh...doesn't she know that ladies arms are supposed to be delicate, fraglie, gossamer stems...such a pity...might as well chop it off. And that goatee, thinking he's all better than us, let's lynch him.

Better yet, let's taunt them both until they look, act, and dress the way we want them to. They ought to thank us for our snobbish, envious concern for their appearance.

When you've got more product in your hair than the bride, something is wrong.

good for them for not doing the 5 figure "normal" wedding.

His beard is known as the "flavor saver."

Rob beat me to it. That must've been the extra topping on her slice.

He is going to so badly regret that troll-like beard when he looks back on these photos in 5 years.

And "consummated" is spelled wrong in the title.

A Bris at the Shake Shack wouldn't be kosher.

That arm is HUGE!

The marriage was consummated? So they fucked right there in the pizzeria or did Jay follow them back to their apartment?

she looks great, love the dress! i would've made my fiance shave them damn sideburns & wash his hair first though! but congrats to the couple!

she's got a buff pizza arm and he looks like the man-goat from Chronic-what-cles of Narnia.