Raw Food Wanker Opens Mouth, Further Embarrasses Himself

Idiots really need to be told not to talk to the press.

Take, for example, subway masturbator/raw-food chef Dan Hoyt (seriously, take him!). Interviewed in this week's New York Magazine, and excerpted in todays Post, Hoyt drops such choice bons mots as "After this incident happened, I had a woman tell me, 'You know, that sounds exciting to me.' She wouldn't mind being on the other end."

Even sadder, the twit tries to twist the blame in the case away from himself. It wasn't his fault, he says, because he was already mid-wank when cameraphone equipped Thao Nguyen stepped on the train and horrified snapped a pic, told the cops and finally put it up on her flickr account. "It's one thing to take it to the police, but on the Internet. I read a lot of people saying, 'That was not too cool of her. That was really screwed up."

And as if that weren't a laughable enough idea as is, we save the money shot for last. Hoyt thinks his victim should give him a second chance. If they met under different circumstances "you know, she'd go, 'That guy's pretty cool. He's got this restaurant, and he's fun,' She'd probably want to go out with me."

Hoyt was arraigned in September and will be sentenced April 18.

The photograph by Thao Nguyen that started it all.