March 31, 2006
"But Doctor, These Aren't The Knockers I Paid For!"
It's Friday afternoon and if you are anything like us you are sitting in your office, wishing desperately that you could be, oh, outside? Trust us, we feel your pain. (Well, at least this part of Gothamist does). So here, why not let the Post entertain you, just a bit, with some good old fashioned schadenfreude.
Three angry women claim an Upper East Side plastic-surgeon-to-the-stars turned them into freaks by stuffing massive, Pamela Anderson-sized breast implants into their chests when they wanted only modest boob jobs.
The women claim that their enormous new mammaries given to them by Dr. Brad Jacobs have left them depressed, embarressed, in pain and in one case "radically deformed" (Tip o' the hat to the Post headline writer who came up with 'THEIR BRA CUPS RUNNETH OVER'). "I was horrified," one of the women told the Post, "I went into my closet and I couldn't button anything. I couldn't look at myself. I becamse extremely depressed."
Jacobs' lawyer, of course, denied the allegations pointing out that "Dr. Jacobs has performed over 11,000 breast-implant procedures since 1995. He has literally thousands of satisfied clients." But this is not the first time that Jacobs has gotten in trouble for his boob jobs. Last year a jury "awarded $130,000 in damages to a patient who got silicone implants, not saline, put in by Jacobs."
So kids, who wants to tell us what the moral of this story is?
Implants from blackcoil's flickr stream.
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I'd be more than happy to lift their spirits.
Goldilocks' first set of breasts were too small. Her second set of breasts were too huge. Hopefully some skilled surgeon can come along and make Goldilocks' third set JUST RIGHT!
The moral of the story? Don't go to a doctor who's a BOOB! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!...
...is this thing on?
A woman I dated years ago told me that they only come in two sizes: too big and too small. Our society's fixation on big breasts is bizarre, and leads to so much embarrasment, shame, neurotic body perception and humiliation. Quality beats quantity, and all you really need are nipples.
The moral of the story: stop thinking you can put your self-image into the hands of men and come out unscathed, ladies!
(actually, make that "stop putting your self-image into the hands of ANYONE ELSE....)
Sorry, didn't mean to be a sexist for a minute there.
The bigger the breasts, the more milk they give.
Now where’s my Honey Nut Cheerios...
In the end, this could just be a case of girls not liking the end results of their surgery, opting to go apeshit and start suing people without actually THINKING shit through in the first place.
Maybe the doctor should’ve recommended those implants that are size adjustable in the beginning stages after the surgery. This way if they are unhappy with the size, a temporary valve attached to the implant can be used to 'fill er up' or 'empty em out'. It would indeed save everyone alot of trouble.
This guy does some amazing work, but he messed a breast job on a friend of mine. cost her 10k and re-did them 3 times and they're still messed up!
*shakes head*
...and to think, I was depressed about the whole Iraq war thingy.
Fake boobs look ridiculous, feel stiff and best of all shoot up like rockets when a woman lies on her back... not too flattering. How about a little work on self esteem instead???
Why aren't there any photos with this story? Talk about missing a bet!
Also, here a vote in favor of implants. If there was something men could do that could radically alter their physical attractiveness, believe me, we would do it. Fake racks rule.
Actually, men get pec and buttock implants, to name a few... same comment on the self esteem though!!!
I think this is hilarious. I'm stuck with naturally enormous boobs (otherwise petite -- it's not a nice combination) and would love to be tiny -- the idea of someone paying for something like what I'm stuck with (e.g. constant back pain, bras that cost $70+ each, can't sit up straight, can't buy clothes off the rack, as it were) is just silly -- but I think if you're going for implants (for non-reconstructive reasons), you get what you deserve.
Guess I won't be going to him for a reduction!
well put, anon. welcome to our world. you asked for it.