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Map of the Day: Kiss Your Ass Goodbye

2006_2_detonation1.jpg

Hope you had a good breakfast, because after checking out this map you're going to be too nervous to eat anything for the rest of the day. It shows the effects of nuclear bombs of various kiloton payloads-- the four circles denote the areas of largest damage. We tried detonations of 1 to 1000 kilotons centered on Times Square. Here are our results:

1kt: Bad day to be in Hell's Kitchen or surrounding blocks
10kt: Pretty fucked as far south as 23rd, and north to the park
100kt: everyone south of 96th street is dead or mutated
1000kt: that two million dollar brownstone in Park Slope is sure looking like a crappy investment now, eh?

Here's something that makes us feel better about the whole thing: if you get killed in a nuclear blast, there's a good chance that quite a few people you hate will be killed along with you! Discuss amongst yourselves.

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Comments [rss]

  • Zach

    Someone should tag this map with all the old nuclear shelters in town. I see the signs all over town. Not that entering a bunker unopened since the 80's wouldn't be worse than death itself (rats anyone?), but...

  • zincink

    I thought us toxie jersey people were immune to something like this....

  • Gregory

    Try centering the explosion on the port of elizabeth, or the middle of Upper New York Bay, likely detonation points if the device were to enter our area in one of the 10s of thousands of shipping containers entering our region without being searched. If it were detonated in the port, it would take a 10,000 KT blast to seriously effect manhattan, staten island on the other hand....

    a blast in the middle of the harbor would be very bad, only requiring 1000kt to seriously effect brooklyn, manhattan, jersey city, etc

  • FalseFlag

    This is why I moved to Washington Heights. Soon, Uptown will truly be the new Downtown.

  • ando

    according to this report, a 12.5 kiloton nuke would be much more likely. It would also most likely explode at a port since that's the easiest smuggling point. There aren't really ports in Manhattan right? Guess it's 50/50 between New Jersey and Brooklyn.

  • chris

    woohoo, morningside heights is outside the circle. it's all slow, torturous radiation death for us!

    and with regard to that world map: I guess I ought to start looking for property in spain...

  • Nod to Bickle... my bad. I realized that immediately after I hit the post button. Kinda like when G'ist checks the punctuation (sorry, guys, couldn't resist...)

  • JESUS CHRIST

    Dudes, it's so much better to get killed instantly in a nuclear blast than to die slowly from the various forms of cancer you will get from the nuclear fallout.

  • Liza T

    Wow, thanks guys. This makes me even more excited about my office job in the Paramount building.

  • smitty

    thanks for this really uplifting article. sheesh.

  • mickster

    Makes you hope for a neutron bomb so you just fry instantly.

    If the bomb comes, I hope I'm at ground zero. Don't want to suffer or try to survive or worse....become one of the new C.H.U.D.!

  • yb detsoP

    And here is an even more disturbing scenario.

  • stuck_on_staten_island

    finally, a reason to be glad i'm on staten island!

  • Woo woo, just safe living in Astoria! Suck it haters!

    But I work in Union Square, so I'm fucked.

  • yb detsoP

    Here is a link to a Times Square detonation:

  • blaah

    Also, this only refers to structural damage.

    Nothing about the ensuing firestorm (try running away!), immediate blindness if the blast is seen directly from

    Isn't science wonderful! Sweet dreams!

  • yep-- my bad-- i prepped the image first, then decided that an explosion at times square would be more likely than one outside of La Esquina, however devoutly we might all wish for that.

  • d

    well according to the map above, that intersection doesn't exist even more after the yellow cake

  • Bickle

    What are you talking about? An intersection of Lafayette and Delancey doesn't exist. Delancey turns into Kenmare Street west past the Bowery.

  • Umm, guys, that map isn't centered on Times Square. Looks more like Lafayette and Delancy.

    Since my house is in the third circle, it kinda matters. :>)

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