Gothamist: Dickwads Beware: Holla Back is Here

Kelly

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 16:55:54 -0500

Careful how you use your dick - next time you might lose it.

Dewa

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 20:10:55 -0500

Eclipse, I'm very sorry to hear that you are being subject to such rediculous behavior, especially at such a young age - though at no age is it acceptable. And King Kong, about your concerns that men will shy away from approaching women, and that no one will ever date again (sorry, that's just my blatent interpretation. Not what you ment, I know.) I think you're forgetting that in this day and age women aren't as intimidated by the idea of approaching a guy and asking for his number, etc. So, no, I don't think the human race will stop procreating because men stop acting like jerks :P Also, not every woman goes for guys. And 'idgi', amoung others, fuck you. Seriously. Being harrassed everytime you leave your house is not acceptable. Regaurdless of age, sex, race, etc. Just because we're the fairer sex doesn't mean we need to hear about it every two blocks. We are people with priorities, families, issues and asperations. Huff. Okay, I'm done ranting.

Yeah Thats Right

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 01:46:57 -0500

Stop trying to justify your own behavior by whining on-line that it didn't sound so bad to you. Humans communicate on very fine levels of body language (try googling micro expressions), and those guys KNOW they're invading a woman's space. It is not about the words used, it is about the feeling of the encounter. STAND UP AND HOLLABACK. Even my daughter has been approached by grown men, since the age of nine -- you fucking pigs!

idgi

Thu, 11 May 2006 09:32:45 -0500

fear? i don't get it- what's there to be fearful of? there's nothing to fear except fear itself

surfacenoise

Mon, 08 May 2006 01:33:04 -0500

Any man who honestly wonders what's going on can look up Jackson Katz. He's been swimming against the tide for twenty years telling men that unsolicited sexual comments inspire fear. Men listen better to men, sad but true. He has books and stuff.

eclipse

Sun, 07 May 2006 20:51:13 -0500

okay, this may seem wierd but i'm only 12 and i've also have gotton many sexist/degrating comments. hell! i've been molestested on the train RIGHT NEXT TO MY DAD! and i was wearing normal clothes too, not the slutty stuff like miniskirts and other s***!!! i think that guys think that just because we like to express ur way to dress in unique ways they can terrorise us for it! like i like wearing really big baggy shirts and normal jeans, the next day on the way from school some jerk talked to me and my friend about how junior's are being big chested so they have to hide it under shirst and it's a big shame. HE-LOH!!!!!!! what kind of people say that stuff? in front of kids no less!!!!

KA

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 07:43:18 -0500

Oh come on. One guy on that site was on the fire escape opposite, with his dick in his hand, looking, nay, smiling through her window. Do you think it was because she was wearing a miniskirt? Not likely. Its time for this to stop.

ak

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 14:17:09 -0500

How about a "burqa". Hmmmmmm! Now that would be a hoot!

King Kong

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 05:28:30 -0500

Thanks al and shy girl for indulging my question. It was a legitimate query and I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your responses. My main concern is that although I attempt to treat everyone with respect, using the "mother" and "sister" reference points (e.g., how would I feel if someone said the same to my mother or my sister? Or better, how might I expect them to feel?), I cannot help but wonder if I might be subjected to the humiliation on the site if I complimented the wrong woman on the wrong day. Not that I do it often, but there are times when I encounter a particularly striking woman on the street, in the subway, etc. and I tell her how fantastic that dress, those shoes, that blouse is, or how well her accessories accent her hair/eyes/outfit. Not one to ever talk about body parts with an absolute stranger, I keep it civil and leer-free. Yet, as a rather large African-American male, I wonder if my compliments may be misconstrued. It makes me want to clam up when it comes to the opposite sex, for fear of being labeled something that I am not. Now, one might ask about the gender equality issue (if you feel comfortable saying it to men, then that should be your standard.) Actually, I do feel comfortable saying it to men. Except then, the concern is that some homophobic male may mistake my compliment for a come-on and well...therein lie the seeds for unwanted altercation. In the end, for a (possibly) large number of us men, we may end up shying away from conversation with women altogether. This will lead to an inevitable surge in Craigslist Missed Connections postings and questions from (some) women about why no good men ever approach them. Perhaps this is overstated (a bit) but I do wonder. I am also perplexed by the actual utility of this site in achieving the goal of empowerment. One one level, it does provide a certain satisfaction for the victims of such nonsense...and maybe it is an interim step to actually confronting such offenders. However, I'd much rather see women (and men) who are harassed or made to feel threatened actually respond with more than a photo and a rant on the site. At least then, the perpetrators understand (and can possibly correct) their actions. I think that the last two examples cited by Al begin to approach this. Hopefully, there will be more. It would be great if Hollaback actually started a dialogue between the harassed and the harassers. That's all.

shy girl

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 01:29:02 -0500

I'd like to add this (also from hollaback); Question: So let’s say a man sees a woman he thinks is attractive and tells her so. Are you saying that makes him a harasser? Answer: Some do not find comments such as “Hello, beautiful” or “Hey, gorgeous” offensive. Many do. Others may find them intimidating, intrusive, or just an annoying pain in the ass. Keep in mind that many women experience unsolicited comments, as well as violent verbal assault, from men in public spaces on a regular basis. Rather than deliberating the “grey areas” of street harassment, treat everyone you encounter with respect.

al

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 15:32:42 -0500

Hi King Kong, I assume that you are just asking, and not baiting. There has been a lot of discussion about this on other sites, and on Hollaback too. I think you may have asked a much larger question than you intended. Here are some answers to your question from the Holla FAQ itself http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/2005/10/hollafaq.html Question: OK, but what exactly is street harassment? Answer: Street harassment is a form of sexual harassment that takes place in public spaces. At its core is a power dynamic that constantly reminds historically subordinated groups (women and LGBTQ folks, for example) of their vulnerability to assault in public spaces. Further, it reinforces the ubiquitous sexual objectification of these groups in everyday life. At HollaBackNYC, we believe that what specifically counts as street harassment is determined by those who experience it. While there is always the classic, "Hey baby, nice tits" there are so many other forms that go unnoted. If you feel like you have been harassed, HOLLA BACK! Question: Sure, but if "the harasser" were hot, wouldn’t you like it? Answer: This has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with power. “Yet, when I read the site, I saw quite a few "normal" displays of attraction being labelled as harassment.” Which ones exactly? “normal” is not the point here (and by whose definition anyway? I personally found all posts to include offensive and intrusive actions. Why should something directed at me that makes me so uncomfortable be labelled as ‘normal’?). The site is from the point of view of the harassed, not the harasser. If people are finding these actions offensive, if they make them feel unsafe or uncomfortable how can they be seen as normal? Whether or not the person granting unsolicited attention claims to have been giving a compliment doesn’t really matter; “A compliment is not a compliment if it makes the recipient feel bad.” (HollaFAQ) “is there a significant number of situations that would be considered appropriate if they came from a man that the woman found attractive?” No. Objectification, intimidation, and disrespectful actions are just that, regardless of whether the person is attractive or not. “He was actually a real good looking guy but just had no game and no idea how to treat us ladies. (HOLLABACK) “The weirdest part was, as soon as I started talking to him I could sense that he wasn't a kidnapper, rapist, or even really an asshole. He was just a confused guy with absolutely no lady skills. Still, if I hadn't turned around for the HOLLABACK, I would have walked on feeling a little shaken and self-conscious. How I am supposed to know which the nice guys are and which just don't get it?” (HOLLABACK) And I’m spent. Hope that helps.

King Kong

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 10:12:15 -0500

I'm all for the intent of the site as I've seen my fair share of men embarrassing our gender through their words and actions towards women. Yet, when I read the site, I saw quite a few "normal" displays of attraction being labeled as harassment. This brings me to a question: is there a significant number of situations that would be considered appropriate if they came from a man that the woman found attractive? By this, I am (obviously) excluding the obvious leers and "hey babes" that inspired the site.

fwn

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 02:30:42 -0500

Ha, you poor twerp. I bet guys with the initials BR have a harder time getting laid now because of you. As anybody who's ever sat at a bus stop knows, men will holler at women no matter what the woman looks like. Every woman from an eight year old to a granny will get it. It's not really about the woman, it's about acting like a macho guy. If you actually find a woman attractive, you want her to like you, right? How often does a woman respond to catcalls by going over and handing her number to the guy? Men who actually want to interact with women will say something flattering but nonthreatening: "You have a pretty smile," etc. Whatever. There are lots of other words in the English language besides the ones that piss people off. Try acting like you don't have anything to prove -- it works better, I promise -- unless of course you aren't actually out to deal with women as people. Why not just stay home and rent some porn? Too cheap?

al

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 18:39:48 -0500

and by 'ranblings' i mean 'ramblings'. i still stand by my argument and my writing. typing is another story . . .

al

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 18:34:04 -0500

hmm, on second thought change 'opinions' to ranblings.

al

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 15:53:42 -0500

couldn't agree more tc. i say it's about time to take back the net. no reason for anyone to tolerate the warped opinions of dickwads and their 'spurious' nonsense online or offline.

tc

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 06:11:00 -0500

Looks like there're a bunch of dickwads *here*, wouldn't you say?

Li

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 23:01:17 -0500

Wow, talk about missing the point BR. So you feel that women should be harassed because of their clothing? How would you like someone to arbitrarily label you, treat you like less of a person, and then dismiss you based on their interpretation of our clothes? As for your bastardization of the term "attractive nuisance", I hardly know where to begin. I can see no other explanation for this that to assume that you view women as hazardous, attractive, nuisances, vacillating between 'recreational' uses or grievous bodily harm and death. Please re-evaluate your post, or your view of women if need be. As for you 'fence' remark, the word 'no' seems to count as a boundary (and it’s even recognized by the law!), or perhaps you should determine the degree to which women must cover their bodies to avoid the entitled hetero-male gaze? Perhaps they should even cover their heads, after all faces can be purty too ... As for ‘being an idiot’, men hollering sexual slurs at women merely because there are women within hearing distance certainly sounds idiotic to me, while a website that allows these women at least the slightest recourse is absolutely brilliant!

al

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 20:24:39 -0500

BR, if we are going to play the gender blame game, how can you possibly whimper at the prospect of a woman posting a picture of a fully clothed man online, while a number of pornographic websites and magazines encourage men to photograph woman (often nude and without their consent or knowledge) and submit them? And how exactly do you hope to get away with comparing a human being (woman) to a recreational facility (a pool)? Speaking of gender based harrassment . . .

BR

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 08:37:53 -0500

And one quick one for the road, how long do you ladies think it will be until some woman posts up a photo of her ex boyfriend with some spurious lines attached to it? The publishers of hollaback will be learning rather more about libel lawsuits in the near future than they really ever wanted to, methinks...

BR

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 08:29:36 -0500

Oho and a quick follow up for JR, "I would appreciate it nextime if someone normal, nice and rich would try to pick me up". Rich? So you wear revealing clothing in the hopes of attracting a wealthy partner? You are aware there is a name for this behaviour, also a criminal offence?

BR

Sun, 09 Apr 2006 08:26:25 -0500

So let me get this straight LaLola, women can wear skin tight, low cut tops, revealing a lot of attractive cleavage, and short skirts showing a lot of sexy leg, and if a man so much as stares at you, you would sue him? There is a law on the books called "attractive nuisance" (look it up if you don't believe me). Its like having a nice pool without a fence around it; if some kid falls in and drowns, you are responsible. I think your behaviour would constitute an attractive nuisance, and you should be fined or otherwise censured for your behaviour. Not to mention hit with a barratry suit (for wasting the time of the courts). Now don't get me wrong, I sympathise with women being harrased by the ignorant and rude, but you people need to realise there is a certain element of cause and effect. There is a difference between being a strong, confident woman, and being an idiot. Savvy?

JR

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 14:01:21 -0500

I walk on lunch to get exercise and have had complete stranger walk up and say "I just had to tell you that you have the nicest legs I have ever seen." Not rude, but unsettling. I've been called some unique things... delicious, beautiful, I've been compared to candy and once I made this fellow's WHOLE DAY, just by walking past him. I even get some great comeones from co-workers, that really sucks. I don't want to be a bitch so I let it slide. Mostly I find these encounters funny. As long as they keep their distance and I don't feel threatened by them I'm ok to just smile and keep walking. I mainly seem to attract the Walgreens security guard, the guy working in the dollar store or the ever present street vagrant. I would appreciate it nextime if someone normal, nice and rich would try to pick me up. I think I have a better chance at finding a unicorn.

sm

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 12:14:15 -0500

Mmm...harassment. I have been told that I am a lesbian who needs to "s" more "d" (fill in the blanks, clearly) by a guy when I gave him a disgusting look after he said something nasty to me. I had a man try to put his hand under my legs at a movie at the Sunshine Theatre. I had a guy, just a few weeks ago, touch the top of my breast as I walked by ON MY OWN STREET. If I can't feel safe there, where can I feel safe? I had a man follow me to class once, at 7:45am, saying "sit on my lap". I've had guys tell me I'm stuck up, a bitch, a whore, etc when I don't respond to them saying I'm sexy. Guys have NO idea what women go through on a daily basis. It's sickening.

REALITY CHECK

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 21:08:19 -0500

No, actually some of you are the ones who don't understand that nearly any reasonably attractive female will get harrassed at least every few minutes while walking alone. Multiply this by the number of walks per day, and the days per year, and you'll see that this adds up to a LOT of bullshit. This is not women being uptight, this is about a serious social problem, and YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE.

Web Muscles

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 16:07:06 -0500

Wow, lotsa uptight broads here. Y'all need to get laid, that the problem.

hr

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 16:06:13 -0500

Wait ... so you wear a thin, tight, low top ... and I look at your titties ... that is sexual harrassment? wow

LaLola

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 15:51:54 -0500

Honey, a thoughtcrime or "thoughcrime" as you first put) would be wondering if leopard print and plaid go together, but not saying it *out loud*. Staring at someone's breasts, however-- or even worse-- ASKING about it to bring attention to the fact that you were staring-- is, in fact, sexual harrasement. You better learn, lest your ass get served with a tasty and expensive lawsuit someday!

charles

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 15:06:58 -0500

Looking does not constitute harassment, unless you believe in thoughtcrime.

charles

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 15:06:26 -0500

Looking does not constitute harassment, unless you believe in thoughcrime.

Emily

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 14:58:34 -0500

Dear H.R., can I take your picture? I know the PERFECT place for it.

Anna

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 14:51:03 -0500

i hate dickwads like hr. women get harrassed no matter what they wear.

up_yours entitled straight man

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 14:50:30 -0500

HR, Your mother should have had an abortion instead of giving birth to you.

cc

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 14:30:16 -0500

i hate the word titties

hr

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 12:42:52 -0500

Don't want your titties checked out?? Don't leave them hanging out of your shit.