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a.k.a red badge of courage, a.k.a tannin teeth. Oh, we all know it and we’ve all been there. Standing by the buffet table at a cocktail party throwing back free Californian Cabernet Sauvignon like it’s our job and we steal a quick glance in the mirror to check out how pretty we are and there it is: purple teeth. It’s enough to drive us to Chardonnay. Well maybe not, but it sure pisses us off. So like any concerned drinker we went in search of answers.
Word on the street was there are two great on the spot ways of removing the red wine stains from your teeth, Go Smile Dailies ($28) and Oral B Brush Ups ($3.57). We tried them both.
But before the test, we had to get our teeth really red (oh the things we do for you). So we checked out the new wine bar that opened on the Upper East Side called Cavatappo and ordered a carafe of ’02 Rosso Di Sicilia ($16.50). Now, we should caveat this by saying in order to get our teeth really red we had to drink quite a few, so please allot for an 87% margin of error.
After our teeth were a nice shade of purple we put down our glasses and popped into the bathroom at the bar. On one half of our mouth we used the Brush Ups and on the other Go Smile. The results were that Go Smile did a really good job of whitening our teeth and removing a lot of the purple. Brush Ups did a great job of freshening our breath but didn’t really remove much of the red stain from our teeth.
Although we were rooting for the more affordable option, Brush Ups, because we would rather spend our money on wine than teeth whitening tools we were happy to know that there is a cure for this affliction. Not all fixes are expensive though; to remove the red stains from your lips put some Chapstick on and then wipe it off with a paper towel. Your lips with be soft and clear.
Do you have any cures for Malbec Mouth? Or do you just grin and bear it?
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"Now, we should caveat this by saying in order to get our teeth really red we had to drink quite a few, so please allot for an 87% margin of error."
caveat is a NOUN!
lemons do the trick - and you can find them conveniently on the bar.
I get so rip-roaring drunk that I just don't care anymore. Also, drinking fortified wine like Night Train or MD 20/20 seems to stain my teeth less.
Yeah yeah purple teef. What about the purple lips?Several of my female friends met me at a wine place and thought I was wearing lip stick. No ladies, I'm not a gay man. With the teeth you can keep your mouth shut, but the lips...
Try the Chapstick trick - it will get a lot of the red off your lips. Just put some on and then wipe it off with a paper towel.
I actually talked to my dentist about this before. She pointed out that many people allow liquids to circulate throughout their mouth before they swallow, causing the front teeth to come into frequent contact with the liquid. I had never thought about this before, and sure enough, that's how I was drinking. By not allowing the wine to cover my front teeth, I have found the staining to be greatly reduced.
A funnel usually works for me.
Is this some form of pseudo-marketing?
v. tr. Informal
To qualify with a warning or clarification: The spokesperson caveated the statement with a reminder that certain facts were still unknown.
why is it vodka and tonic can be publicy accepted as being sipped from a straw but not red wine? surely a revolution is in order!!