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Gothamist likes that the Times devoted part of the front-page today to Ian Urbina's article about people exacting their petty revenge on the trivial aspects of daily life that annoy them. The piece isn't about the kind of grand vengeance that one takes in fighting major career or personal battles, it's more about getting back in small, ineffectual ways at the kind of impersonal annoyances and hypocrisies that crop up day after day.
Asking for a "medium" at Starbucks just to avoid saying "grande?" Done that. Bypassing an automated telephone system by punching zero? Yup. Stacking magazine subscription cards to put back in the mail so that it costs the magazine the postage? Um, no, but that's not a bad idea... In some ways, these little ideas are less about "sticking it to" the offending company, and more about simply registering a protest in an impersonal world. People know that it won't make much difference, but they want someone to know that they object to Starbucks' latte lingo and refuse to comply.
It reminds Gothamist of the dozens (sometimes hundreds) of private citizens that show up every time the Metropolitan Transportation Authority has any kind of meeting or public hearing. Undaunted by the agency's history of ignoring the pleas of commuters, people still show up to speak their peace to Peter Kalikow and Katie Lapp, to tell them that fare hikes and service cuts are unfair, that the subway system is deteriorating and that they need to create better handicapped accessibility. Basically they simply are there to register their disapproval on the public record, even while knowing it won't make any difference.
The examples in Urbina's article were okay, but Gothamist is sure that there are many better small protests that people regularly stage to register disapproval of aspects of city life. What are some of yours?
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Is misspelling "Aggressive" one of them?
spelling schmelling. my bad. it's fixed.
it's really satisfying to say "no" to those "got a minute for greenpeace" people....
Any junk mail I get with return envelopes gets stuffed with junk mail and trash and returned.
Why not just get your coffee someplace else?
[And the dawn breaks...]
PS: Punching the pound button, the star button, or "1" also works.
When those comedy club people on the street ask "Do you like to laugh?" I reply, "Only at people with jobs like you." They need a better opening line or to try different places.
Rog, you reminded me... try ignoring the Falun Gong people. That helps get you through the day.
What kind of self-respecting protester even goes to Starbucks at all? Show your protest by going to another coffee shop, fer chrissakes. Duh!
This article describes me to a T. For example, I love my local movie theater, except that the smallest size popcorn is not called small but "child-size." I refuse to use their lingo so I just ask for the smallest sized popcorn.
Has any one noticed the huge automated espresso makers that Starbucks and other chains use? The coffee is no longer hand pressed. For me - a former barista, I find this upsetting. The grains are fed unseen through the back and pressed via a machine. There is no guarantee that your beans are indeed pressed, nor fresh and for your $5 coffee could be from someone else’s java.
I try to go to smaller establishments such as Connecticut Muffin and the Mud Truck and find the not only that the coffee is better but their attitude if fabulously hip, and they always remember your order.The upside it is done the old way, 'by hand' instead at the touch of the button.
That is freakin' hysterical RsT! Probably more time than I'm willing to invest in being passive aggressivem but gold nonetheless.
starbucks no doubt drives out the litte people, but they do give health insurance to their employees, even part-time ones, and they provide same sex partner benefits to workers as well.
The "tall, grande, and venti" talk has to stop though.
My favorite passive-aggressive tactic is the one I use against subway pole leaners: grinding my knuckles against their spine so that they get off and grip the pole like they're supposed to.
When a live telemarketer starts talking after I let the machine pick it up, I'll pick up the receiver, and the machine will emit feedback in the telemarketer's ear.
Lean in closely to a loud cell phone talker or walkie talkie talker on the subway and feign great interest in what they're saying. After all, the whole car can hear.
Of course, that stuff might be just aggressive-aggressive.
www.forgotten-ny.com
>>>Has any one noticed the huge automated espresso makers that Starbucks and other chains use? The coffee is no longer hand pressed. For me - a former barista
'Barista' is another one of those Starbucks terms.
I call 'em 'counterpersons'
www.forgotten-ny.com
Junk mail: It takes less effort to simply toss it in the trash. But if you want results, call the company on the envelope and tell them to take your name off their list.
Comedy club street person: Just keep walking. You act like you've never seen a person hand out flyers on the street before.
Responding with a smartass "Only at people with jobs like you" comment is really condescending, and actually just proves that you're an asshole because you're comparing how much better your job is to theirs. AKA yuppie-superiority complex.
Starbucks: Saying small, medium or large is obvious. Going to another shop is better.
Subway pole leaner: say "excuse me!" or tap them on the shoulder. This is better than passive-agression because only they look like an asshole. If you start turning tricks with your own passive-agressive moves, then you both are assholes. And we'd have to tell the BOTH of you to knock it off, kids.
Telemarketer: interrupt them and say "Wait, wait! I'm not interested. Please take my phone number off your calling list, thank you" and hang up. This is more constructive, because they might actually take your name off of their list.
Has anyone noticed that timid yuppie-types are the ones who revel in passive-agressive behavior?
I've also noticed that Bloomberg's 311 hotline is like crack for whiny, passive-agressive yuppies. Instead of actually working things out with their loud upstairs neighbor in person (or god forbid learning his name), they call 311 first, causing unnecessary tension between neighbors.
Way to suck the fun out of a comment section.
Can I shine your halo or does your self-righteous attitude do that for you?
Agreed that it is lame- the easiest thing to do rather than make up head games that only you can figure out address situations out right...
The FCC has a "do not call" registry that if you are on and receive telemarketing calls the company will have to pay fines to the FCC-- simply register with the list, www.fcc.gov, then tell whatever company happens to call you that you are on the list....
I had a boss who did this and it just got worse and worse. Instead of getting our work done we had to spend that time decoding her head games... thank god she resigned.
In the end heated discussions and direct action work better than stupid head games
Wouldn't cutting on people on an anonymous message board be considered passive aggressive?
JoeS:
So are you implying that passive-agressive people aren't self-righteous? Who are you to feel pleasure from belittling telemarketers and flyer people? The passive-agressives wallow in their superiority--the definition of self-righteousness, right? What frat house did you belong to? While we're at it, let's push slow-walking retards, urinate on dogs and kick pigeons because it makes us feel better.
I'm just calling it like it is. You know, like saying the sky is blue and the grass is green and ducks say "quack." If I'm self-righteous for pointing these things out, then excuse me while I polish my halo.
I answer those annoying comedy club hawkers “Do you like to laugh/comedy?” question one of three ways:
1. No, I only like snuff films.
2. No, I like to cry.
3. That’s an incredibly personal question
Like religions that resort to recruiting people on the street, if these clubs were offering anything worthwhile, they wouldn’t have to annoy people on the street.
I have to say this quote slayed me -- maybe too much coffee on my end,
though
--
When ordering a pizza from Domino's, Mr. Kirk says he always requests a
"small," knowing that he will be corrected and told that medium is the
smallest
available size. "It makes me feel better to point out that their word
games
aren't fooling anyone," he said.
why was the article placed in the new york/region section of the nytimes??? i'm annoyed enough to write a vicious email full of rhetoric!
Anyone here ever have a passive-aggressive roommate?
I had one who hid the toothpaste from me, because she was upset with me for using more than 50% worth of toilet paper squares. Her justification "It's MY toothpaste! I bought it!"
starbucks helps mainstream fair trade and organic coffee. they also contribute to community causes and treat employees well and encourage them to become involved in community activities with contribution matching. they essentially ignited the american coffee market as it is today opening the door for the mom & pop shops. they're still a corporation, but it's a corporate world and having at least one slightly more responsible member that's 'on your side' could be seen as a good thing.
i say 'small'.
My favorite way to ease my passive aggression is to get on Gothamist and anonymously accuse other people of being yuppies, shopping at chain stores, and being from the Midwest.
So what "passive-aggression is lame" is really saying is that telemarketers and people who walk slow are retards:
"Who are you to feel pleasure from belitting telemarketers? ... While we're at it, let's push slow-walking retards."
i am an evangelist for this particular way of reducing starbucks' coffee cost. take sugar lots of it (i like the brown stuff). i have started so many people on this habit i've lost count.
clearly it's a trend, now starbucks only puts out small handfuls of condiments -- but you can still find the back ups. they are located on shelves behind doors in the sugar stations.
Another way you also can often get around those automated voice menus -- for instance I know this works with Sprint -- is to speak the word "Representative" into the phone.
The important thing to be aware of here, though, is that most times nothing happens the first time; that sickeningly polite automated voice just keeps chattering on about menu options and banal special offers like some worst case telemarketer nightmare. You know, the kind who just keeps reading the prepared script even after you've very politely told them maybe three or four times "thank you, I'm not interested"?
Anyway, that's where the fun part comes in if you're so far gone into passive aggressive bliss-world that you can no longer confront real people but instead derive pleasure from bullying about inanimate virtual objects; because what you do then is that in this bitchy, chiding voice you repeat the command, "Representative!"
At that point the "voice" typically pauses; you can almost detect a catch and a swallow in the dastardly automaton's throat. One beat... Haha! Two beats... You've got it now! Three beats... Then the "voice" comes back, almost timidly: "Excuse me while I connect you to the next available representative." Ah, yes, there is indeed no sweeter joy for the chronically and insipidly passive aggressive than this fleeting yet triumphal victory of man over machine.
Well, normally I like to keep my aggression active rather than passive but sometimes, to handle my commute and the assholes riding with me (face it, they're all assholes when it's crowded), I whip out my notebook on the subway and jot down some nasty comments aimed at the offenders. Ones like "where did you get that gross sense of entitlement, miss? It's darling. Too bad it clashes with your whore costume." It helps to some degree.
My aunt purposely puts broken glass under the tires of the cars that block her driveway. My mother left a polite little note on a piece of paper on a car blocking ours. My plan is to write a polite little note in lipstick on the windshield. There is no way to "work out" with someone not to block your driveway.
I like to answer to phone and not say anything. That way, the telemarketers just hung up and my regular callers know enough to say hi first now.
when a man sitting next to me on the subway spreads his legs really wide so I'm squashed up against the barrier or other person, i like to stand up and sit in another seat so people think he smells or is a perv.
You all are a bunch of wussies!
(I'm passive aggressive too)
>>>I answer those annoying comedy club hawkers “Do you like to laugh/comedy?” question one of three ways:
1. No, I only like snuff films.
2. No, I like to cry.
3. That’s an incredibly personal question
Like religions that resort to recruiting people on the street, if these clubs were offering anything worthwhile, they wouldn’t have to annoy people on the street.>>>
Heh. One of these guys actually got in my way one day, and wouldn't let me pass. When he asked if I like to laugh, my first instinct was to say "I don't know, will it be funny when I kick you in the balls?"
He moved.
I think Urbina's article is referring to those little things in the big system that we as individuals seem to be powerless to change. He is not talking about those annoyances that we can confront upfront. It's an important distinction. Loud neighbors, blocked cars, pole leaners, and comedians are all within our range of changing by effective communication. The four types of communication are passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. Guess which one is most effective. If you're passive-aggressive, you can't expect much change from anyone, but you may feel some internal satisfaction. That's why I ask for a medium at Starbucks. But I still love their coffee. And their chocolate chip cookies.
Hey Curmudgeon, i think i know you. do you work at Harper?
wouldn't sending those annoying subscription cards back potentially just make the mail slower? of course, a lot of people would have to send them back blank, but there are millions of magazine subscribers. now that's even more annoying than the stupid cards.
BTW Kerry, Urbina says: "The slow driver in fast traffic, the shopper with 50 coupons at the front of the checkout line and the telemarketer calling at dinner all inflict life's thousand little lashes. But some see these infractions as precious opportunities, rare chances for retribution in the face of forces beyond our control". SO he is referring to more than just corporate annoyances.
The most effective way to be passive aggressive with telemarketers -not that I condone it, mind you- is to actually keep them on the phone because their pay and advancement (heh) depend on the number of sales-per-hour. The less time spent for each sale, the better.
So you keep them on the phone - letting them do their pitch, asking questions and otherwise sounding interested. It's a better middle finger because if you hang up, they can move on to their next call. Again, I don't do this, but I'm just saying, ya know?
My passive aggressive thing is if I'm trying to get off a train and someone on the outside isn't waiting for the passengers to get off. I either act dumb, keep blocking them and give a confused "How am I supposed to get off the train?" look, or square my shoulder and bump the hell out of them.
Here's another one:
Everyone online has to be anonymous, using dopey online names to sign in.
I passive-aggressively use my own name at all times online.
www.forgotten-ny.com
This is shocking. Who is it who is forcing so many New Yorkers at gunpoint into Starbucks stores? ON the other hand, if they aren't being forced into Starbucks, but go in because they want to, then who really gives a crap what the sizes are called? I don't see how this "issue" compares with the other ones. Sounds pretty whiny to me.