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I am friends with a couple that recently had a baby. I love seeing the couple, and I love seeing the baby, but sometimes when I make plans with them they insist on bringing the baby along - even when it seems inappropriate, like to an R-rated movie. I still want to hang out with them, and with the baby, but the last thing I want is to plan to meet them at a bar and have the baby show up. Help!
A lot of people who have recently had children seem to think "Our lives haven't changed at all! We can just bring the baby anywhere we go!" We are by no means anti-kid, but this is simply not true. It is perfectly appropriate to bring a baby to a child-friendly restaurant (hint: you've seen a toy box or high chairs there) or to a G-rated matinee movie. But we think the line has been crossed when a baby is at a small, crowded, upscale restaurant or an R-rated movie. We saw the film Bad Education recently (which we enjoyed, by the way) and there was a baby in the audience! Ask Gothamist thought it was rather strange of the parents to bring a baby to a movie about pedophile priests and transsexual junkies.
Next time you make plans with your friends, be clear about the type of place you're going and your expectations of who will join in the fun. Try saying something like, "It doesn't sound kid-friendly, so I hope you can get a baby-sitter." If they indicate that there are no plans to hire a sitter, offer to visit them at their house (or invite them to yours) instead. You can say something along the lines of, "Why don't I rent a video and bring over some wine instead?"
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I assume that your friends have an infant? (I remember the days of putting the carrier up on the table and enjoying dinner while my baby barely fussed) This problem will probably resolve itself naturally because the older the child gets and the more they can vocalize their demands, the more difficult taking the kid along will become. Just let your friends have a couple of unbearably frustrating dinners where they can barely get a bite in and all will change.
Right now I have a very active 3 year old boy and the choices are kid-friendly or sitter..or i just don't go.
We need Daddy Types to weigh in! Of course, he'd say the parents are nuts to bring a kid to a movie - they should go to Reel Moms.
It's great that this friend is wanting to see the parents instead of the kid.
Most of the time my 'friends' wanted to visit with the kid not Parent.
"Gothamist thought it was rather strange of the parents to bring a baby to a movie about pedophile priests and transsexual junkies."
do you think the baby could tell the difference between this subject matter and any thing else that might be projected on the screen?
make plans to go to the Gate in park slope. sometimes there seem to be more babies than adults in this bar.
As a Daddy Type... the biggest risk you run with the kid in the movies is to the audience, not to the kid. Bad Education, good as it was, was just bright lights in a dark room if the kid was an infant. If this is the first child, and the parents are new parents, it's worth it to cut them a little slack. Actually, make that a whole lotta slack. It may be less of a case of refusing to accept life has changed (BELIEVE ME-THEY KNOW!!!) and more a case of extreme cabin fever and needing a night out with friends.
If they bring the kid along to an inappropriate location, or if you're put off by the kids presence, they'll figure it out. I agree with Gothamist, being put off doesn't make you anti-kid - not by a long shot, but be gentle with your friends. They're going through a lot and they could really use you right now.
Of course, bear in mind you're talking to a dad who's daughter, when asked where she'd like to go for her seventh birthday, said either the Kettle of Fish in Sheridan Square or The Brazen Head on Atlantic Ave.
Well, her last name is Nolan and she was born on St. Patick's Day...
Actually, I was just talking about taking babies to the movies with my cousins. They do it all the time, and so does everyone they know. In fact, the movie theaters always have a few kids in them, from infants to toddlers. Of course, THEY LIVE IN MAPLETON, UTAH. NYC Rule: No kids in movies (except, Reel Moms, as Jen points out).
Bars and restaurants, though: My gut says blame Bloomberg; the smoking ban made them all family friendly. We go almost almost anywhere we used to go, we just go at 6. (we have to be home by 8-830 to avoid a meltdown.) Not much of a scene at 6, of course, but it IS easier to get a table, and restaurants know the kid won't disrupt their real business later. Then the child-free ppl can ditch the 'rents when the cuteness wears off, and they still have the whole night.
Of you could always go to brunch. Daytime & weekends, the whole city is fair game.
Part of taking kids with you everywhere is so then learn how to act when you go places, whether its a grocery store or a restaurant. I know people who rarely take their kids in public and then when they have to, the kid treats every place like its his family room. It's not a pretty picture. (And really, babies are certainly easier to haul around than toddlers and usually quieter. At least you can usually feed them to get them to shut up. Not so with a 2-year-old.)
What I would be more worried about is the parents. Sometimes its nice to get a break every so often. But first-time parents can sometimes get really panicky about leaving the baby with someone else, so I would go easy on them until they get more comfortable with it.
Gosh - hello longest comment ever ...