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I am 19 years old and live in London, and my boyfriend is from New York. We met in college in London - we've been going out for 6 months and love each other dearly. We are both applying for universities right now, but I am applying in London and he is applying in America. We are both confused about the future and don't really talk about it. He says that he can’t deal with a long distance relationship because they never work and the pain would be to much for him to handle. At the beginning of our relationship I was always the one who said that I wouldn’t be able to handle a long distance relationship and that I would break up with him. But now because I love him so much, I can’t bear to lose him. We've become best friends and now I would like to try a long distance relationship but I have not told him this because he has made it clear that he thinks that it wouldn’t work.What do I do? Should I break up with him? Should I stay with him until he leaves me? Or should I confront him?
We think you should definitely have an open and honest discussion with your boyfriend about how both of you feel about having a long distance relationship. Since you have changed your mind about how you feel about the issue, maybe your boyfriend has too - but it sounds like he may not even be aware of your current opinion on the issue. So, if you both discuss it and come to the agreement that it could work, you could give long distance love a try.
However, if you want our brutally honest opinion, we think you might not want to be tied down to a long distance relationship during your college years. College is a great time and place to meet all kinds of people - not just potential dating material, but friends as well. If you are always on long distance phone calls and e-mails and IMs, and spending any free time and money on travelling far away to see your boyfriend, you could miss out on a large part of your college experience. We think it’s also very difficult for two people in college to be faithful to their long-distance loves. We’re sure you both really care about each other and will work things out so you can both enjoy your college experience to the fullest.
You might want to check out this pamphlet on Long Distance Relationships from a college counseling center. It starts by stating, "The first key to success with long distance relationships is effective communication."
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If you want my brutally honest opionion, this is either some sort of freakin joke, or you have actually made me miss Choire.
I have to agree with Janine - long distance during college is hard to keep up, but if you want to give it a go, you should try. But you're young and if it was meant to be, it'll happen anyway.
As for the comment, above, I guess he is mistaking our site for Gawker.
I agree that long distance relationships are very hard but I am into one right now. My boyfriend (well a fiancee now) is from Chicago and I am from Prague. We met each other in Chicago law school. We have been together now for three years. We spent 2 years together and 1 year apart from each other. At the beginning he was the one who wanted to break up with me and after my visit in Chicago he changed his mind:) Now we are engaged and plan the wedding next year in summer after my arrival from Prague, which means that this year we will be still apart:(
My advice would be that you both should be willing to deal with long distance. It is very hard but it has its nice sides too - missing him, willing to see him asap and at the end if both of you survive it you'll end up with a happy, loving family.
Talk to him! and just be patient.
Good Luck
Tammy from Prague
I am 19 & currently in a long distance (love) relationship. My boyfriend and I have been doing it for 10 months now and let me tell you, it is by far they hardest thing I have ever had to do. It started out ok but now, by the 10th month, each day away from him seem to hurt more and more. Hurt isn't even the word, I have never felt this way about anyone before in my life, and I never will. We are going to fight to the end. It tares us up, to be so far from each other and be so in love at the same time. I don't think I would recommend a long distance relationship to anyone, but then again it all depends on true love. If we didn't give it a shot then I wouldn't have had the chance to spend the last 10 months loving the greatest man on earth. It is a very difficult thing to have such a serious relationship during college, never mind it being long distance. It just makes everything 10 times harder. But I have been doing it so far, there are days I just break down crying because it hurts so much, and I can't stand the fact that I can't put my arms around him when I want too. So my best advice to you is to really make sure it's going to be worth it. I tell myself everyday . . . "It will be worth it when we are finally together."
Hi, my name is Lauren and I am 14 years old. I have been in a relationship with my hubby bubby (my boyfriends nickname)for almost 10 months now. I live in Arizona and my boyfriend came up to visit with me and my family for 3 weeks. Today he had to fly back home to California. I wanted to ask how to deal with this long distance relationship(LDR). My heart aches and I can't seem to stop crying. I calm down, but when I see the things he left here with me I just burst into tears. Perhaps because this is my first LDR? I'm not quite sure, but I want to know how to deal with it. I've been talking to him and I even cry when I do that. I miss him dearly even though we've only be apart for 10 hours. I don't want to seem like a big crybaby to him everytime I call crying my eyes out. He told me that me crying for him shows how much I care for him and I agreed, but please help me out on how to deal with my aching heart. He has helped me some by telling me to hold on too his favorite teddy bear, but is there anything else you can help me with? I just miss him so much... His hugs, kisses, and the small little "I love you" he whispers into my ear. Please give me some tips on how to be happy again.:(