Martha, Martha, Martha Going to Slammer Early

It looks as though Martha Stewart is heading to the "big house" sooner than expected. On Martha's website, Martha Talks, she tells us that her lawyers have submitted a letter (full letter PDF file) "asking her to lift the stay of my sentence and begin the prison designation process. This will enable me to start serving my five-month jail sentence, rather than waiting for the conclusion of my appeal which won�t take place until sometime in 2005." Where she will be serving her sentence has yet to be determined, but her perseverance is the minimum security prison in Danbury, CT, which she says is "nearest to my home and close enough so my 90-year-old mother will be able to visit me."

Is it too much to ask that Martha serve in a more secure institution? Sure, she didn't kill anyone or push any drugs, but the thought of her coming out with some hot prison tats is just too funny. Maybe she could join a gang or something. Or get "Love" and "Hate" tattooed on her hands like Sideshow Bob. Hopefully the prison board has a sense of humor and thinks of all the possibilities. Let the jokes begin.

For her part, Martha says she can do the time because she is "a really good camper" and she "can sleep on the ground." And the classic Worth 1000 competitions for Martha's new home (1, 2, and 3).

Gothamist on Martha Stewart.

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By tien mao in News on September 15, 2004 12:59 PM

Comments [rss]

hc

if that's your logic, how much is 40 Gs once it trickles down to "each and every one of us." Not a whole hell of a lot. She did something dumb, now she'll go to jail for it. If I'm martha stewart five months of freedom (and no criminal record) is worth a whole lot more than $40 grand, so I think the punishment fits the crime.

ps. thanks for the economics lesson though. it was enlightening.

Stuart M. Nemedia

Martha was involved in stock market fraud, which meant that she indirectly stole money from each and every one of us in a trickle-down way, due to the economic mechanics of the stock market and our capitalist system. She is a thief, period. Five months seems too short for stealing over $40 thousand, if you ask me.

Michael

Most of you are a butch of pathetic vultures, looking for cheap and easy prey by repeating stupid Martha jokes. Get a life. Bet a lot of you don't even have decent jobs, if at all.

Planethalder

Hey, I'm looking forward to her new magazine, "Prison Chic". Imagine the possibilities? I'm sure her time in the slammer will have a profitable outcome. Planethalder in London.

Joe D.

Martha Stewart Living...in prison.

She was quoted on NPR saying that going into prison now allows her to be free by "spring planting." Maybe when she gets out of stir she can dig some holes for friends she made in the joint.

sheila

Right hand tat: Good

Left hand tat: T'ing

(assuming they'll allow an apostrophe on the same finger as the T.)

Tim N.

Guess there goes the Christmas special...

BytchInNY

Why would hse want to go to jail early if there's a possibility she wouldn't have to sevre t all after her appeal? Hmmm... maybe as a ploy to make her look better in the eyes of the appeal people and draw on their sympthies.

Btw - I was on a trading floor the day IMCL (Imclone) got FDA approval and started trading... If only she'd had the presenece of mind to ride out their down swing she would have made a ton for having held onto that stock!

Henry

Amos, how many white collar criminals have you roasted? There are probably a least a dozen listed each week in the New York Times. Martha is an easy target for thrill-seekers, not people who want society to be better.

Amos Rambone

Let's stop teasing Martha......why again? She's a convicted criminal (who probably got off much lighter than she should have courtesy of the judge punting the criminal fraud count) who purposely lied to (1) save a relatively small amount of money (for her) and (2) prop up the value of her stock to avoid losing more money. If she'd have just fessed up from the get go and offered to pay the $45,000 she saved from the insider trading, she probably wouldn't be in jail. Instead, she chose to be cheap and greedy.

Jerry's got it backwards -- she deserves all the scorn and ridicule we can muster as does every other white collar criminal. So here's th bargain: you post 'em, we'll roast 'em.

The rich irony is that the drug that whole crew thought was never to get FDA approval --- recently got FDA approval.

Tim

I remember when as a kid, a lot of kids would all surround and tease someone who was already hurt and crying. Especially if we were jealous of that person. There's a safety in numbers when we join as a pack! Let's tease Martha some more!

tien

very true chris, which is why martha can have the full words on her hands. maybe she can even get "die bart, die" on her back, which of course is "the bart, the" in german. and nobody who speaks german could be evil.

chris the pedantic geek

Martha, I think, has five fingers on each hand(as did Reverend Harry Powell). Sideshow Bob only has four, thus, his tattoos read "LUV" and "HĀT".

Which makes the joke even funnier.

Jerry

Give Martha a break. It's pathetic how many people are getting thrills from making fun of her. She made her mistake and will do her time.

There are plenty of other people who have made mistakes and hurt a lot, lot more people. Yet the same jokesters who make fun of Martha are too cowardly to make fun of them.

As an example, what about those stockbrokers who duped thousands of investors by pushing worthless stocks? Why don't you people make fun of them too?

tien

from the looks of the letter to the judge, martha is dropping the appeal.

jake

here's a question: if you win the appeal after already doing your jail time, do you get like a refund or a gift certificate for the next time you break the law?