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I just went through a horrible breakup with an extremely crazy and egotistical performance artist/writer/sculptor/everything else. Now I want to date nice, cute, earnest men who have fewer commitment/reality issues. Where does one go to meet, say for example, junior-level U.N. staffers who like to read, go to brunch and make out and who are looking for nutsy writer girlfriends from Brooklyn?
- J
You obviously have pretty specific ideas about the type of guy you’d like to 
meet and seem to be looking for a guy who’s intellectual - so bookstores, readings, lectures, and libraries would be an obvious place to start. However, if you’re really determined not to date a writer/artist type, this could backfire - he could be another writer if you meet him at a literary location. Then again, just because your ex was crazy doesn’t mean all writers/artists/sculptors/whatevers are, and since you describe yourself as “nusty” you might not want to rule out dating someone with an “artistic temperment.” Meeting people through friends can be another good way to go, so perhaps you should consider hosting a party and encouraging your friends to bring guests.
Ask Gothamist also knows quite a few people who have met through the Internet (some of whom are even married or happily cohabitating). With online dating, you could list the specific traits you’re looking for (and not looking for) in a date. Why not give Gothamist personals a try? Of course, you could always try hanging out at the U.N. in an attempt to meet some of those junior-level staffers, but we suspect there might be increased security this week.
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1. It's hard to trust just anyone nowadays. People can be quite dishonest and disloyal nowadays - especially young adults. This is the reason why many relationships go bust, but it does not mean that you cannot find love with an honest person (assuming you can find one).
2. Don't go looking for love, you'll never find it. Or, more appropriately, it makes for a miserable hobby. You'll find it when you'll find it.
3. Yes, throw a house party. This has many many good benefits to it other than possible love.
4. Try not to be specific about the type of man you're looking for - keep an open mind. In particular, do not try to find someone who likes to read or who is an intellectual; every guy in New York claims to like reading and be an intellectual. You'll actually find the worst, most dishonest people by looking for those traits. Just a warning. Besides, who says you can't find love with a truck driver?
You want sincerity, I suggest Union Seminary. Bite-sized would-be clergymen are all over the place, and they are adorable.
i am what you're looking for, i think. i've a pretty low concept of myself and I like puppies.
The problem is not performance artist /writer /sculptors. Okay, sure, sometimes they blow themselves up and are weirdly reluctant to invite you to spend the night, but they do not talk shit behind your back about you and your cat.
J and all of you other dating people: you need to go on more internet dates. Resign yourself to the fact that it's simply going to take a few weeks, maybe even a few months, of weeding through candidates. There are a GAZILLION people on-line, which means: 1) your new Amour is probably out there; and 2) it's probably going to take some time and effort to locate the needle of love in the haystack of tedious meetings-for-coffee.
In the meantime, boys, email me if you'd like to date my roommate, and I'll send you out for drinks. It would, in fact, probably be good if you produced some sort of artistic, literary, or other creative product, just without also producing the choking miasma of self-absorbtion that can really bring a girl down.
Oh shush, choking miasmas rule.
Obsessed with ourselves, we lose. Obsessed with the girl, we also lose. Obsessed with work, and we're neglectful. Obsessed with nothing, and we're not interesting. Aack!
Reminds me of a Norm MacDonald quote about sex: "I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where there are rules and you can win. There’s no winning in sex."
J's Roommate - check your email.