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Some time last year, Gothamist began receiving an email missive entitled "S L N Y", and subtitled "the pretentious* little one pager". Immediately we encountered a problem: The She Loves NY newsletter did not appear to be written in English - it's almost as bad as Navajo mixed with Urdu, then with a splash of Martian. And our decoder ring doesn't work! But what to do? A few weeks later, the New York Post ran an article about SLNY, helpfully explaining that it was a guide to restaurants intended for the young and hip. Even with this information, and meeting the handsome young man behind SLNY (at Bungalow 8, natch), we were still unable to tease out any meaning from their weekly emails. So, now Gothamist turns to you for help. Below is a copy of the current week's SLNY, with our guesses at what each section means. Add your own thoughts in the comments.
> s l n y
> may 27, 2004
> the pretentious* little one pager
> courtesy of shelovesny.com
What does the "*" mean? We've scoured the rest of the email, and the SLNY website, and can find no footnotes. Is the "*" just decoration?
> at this time welcoming ls to the dance floor at shelovesny.com/thedancefloor
> (exclamation mark)
We followed the link, and it redirects to Lockhart Steele's new enterprise, Curbed. Perhaps LS and SLNY are members of some underground hipster Fight Club with its own patois, known only to those who have been inducted? We've heard of clubs like this, and they begin with "Scient-" and end with "-ology."
> today in a decidedly flip flops motivated gait, so take it slow, kiddo:
> THE NEW BLACK
> v steakhouse
> kittichai
The first sentence makes no sense! And as generators of nonsensical sentences, we'd like to point out it's not even a sentence. Is there some instruction embedded in "a decidedly flip flops motivated gait"? Is "take it slow, kiddo" a password? An homage to Kill Bill? The "V steakhouse" may or may not be a reference to Jean-Georges' new place up at Time Warner, which is more like whorehouse red. Kittichai returns no results on Citysearch, but from the name we are thinking that it's either a Indian-tea-bar for cats, or a new Thai restaurant, maybe in SoHo? Apparently the Post was right - SLNY does seem to be suggesting restaurants. But they might be restaurants in the bizarro world. Or maybe you'd need a tessarect to get to them. And are these advertisements or editorial content? We simply do not know!
> L.I.E.S (reason to stay put, sir; a summer in the city sampler)
> sheepıs meadow -- itıs a wrap delivery available to nw corner entrance
> rocking horse café - say it with me, matty, watermelon margarita
> 79th st. boat basin - bucket of beer and river views both available
> yankee stadium - see esp. versus mets in june
L.I.E.S. is clearly an acronym for some kind of evil hipster organization. Does Sac know about this? The parenthetical comment seems to indicate that these are locations for those of us unlucky enough to be summering elsewhere. But what is the superscript '1' in Sheep's Meadow? A signal that this is where the flashmob will meet? And is SLNY really referring to the Rocking Horse Cafe at 182 8th Avenue, in impossibly passe, now non-gay Chelsea? It does not make sense!
> A67 (she loves the al fresco sets, matty; pier 25 and vicinity)
> bubbyıs - for brunch preceding westward walk on no moore
> pier 25 - open air ping pong, mini golf, matty, and the like
> lunchbox - slightly to the north, for open air drinks post pier
A67 may be a reference to A60, the impossibly crowded and pretentious rooftop bar at the Thompson Hotel. And, yes, we admit we sweat it. Gothamist is almost certain that the A60 card that we "borrowed" last year no longer works in the elevator there. It's back to drinking 40s on the street for us! (Which we love, don't get us wrong.) The other selections appear to be places for outdoor dining in Tribeca. Bubby's, again with the '1', is a cafe known for brunch (and ridiculously long lines of people who want to eat where Carolyn and John-John did). A weird coding blip that happens to apostrophes when the email is sent out - we think not! Pier 25 is just off North Moore Street on the West Side.
> BLACK COD MISO NORTH (in ı05, the biggest opening ever ever ever ever)
> nobu 57th - slny not buying the coincidence; first bobby, now matsuhisa
Apparently, this is a nod to news that Nobu, the Tribeca sushi place, will be opening an outpost in Midtown. Bobby is most likely Robert DeNiro, since we don't think SLNY should be mentioning Bobby Flay. But what is he doing in Midtown?
> THE NEW BLACK EAST (presented as a supplement to slny with caution)
> jlx - soft until mid june; jlxıs name isnıt even jean luc, matty
> dragon bar
> alison at 95 school st - resy available below
The New Black East seems to be a block of restaurants in the Hamptons, which seems strange, because the area seems to be many things, but definitely not black.
> CAPTAIN RESY feat. THE 6-3-1
> della femina -- 631 329 6666 -- one ring, 6:30 or 10
> alison/95 school st -- 631 537 7100 -- two rings, 5:30 or 10
> jean luc east -- 631 324 1100 -- two rings, 6 or 11
> nick and toni's -- 631 324 3550 -- three rings, 10:30
> palm -- 631 324 0411 -- one ring, 5 or 10
This has always been one of SLNY's most mystifying features. Apparently, they are listing the numbers of popular restaurants, along with what happened when they called them up. Are these numbers unlisted? What is this 6-3-1? Is the reservation for the same night? What night, since some might just want that 5:30 or 10 slot? What, if anything, can we conclude from their results?
That this 6-3-1 doesn't allow people to eat in the 7, 8, or 9 o'clock hours?
> she loves ny, matty, now go and show it to her
We love New York too! Can we be friends?
add to stumble upon
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I am on the case. I am on. The. Case.
As always...
Also, still cannot link.
The 6-3-1 refers to the area code of Suffolk County in Long Island.
Hope you're kidding about the 631 question. That is the area code for Suffolk County, where the Hamptons restaurants are located.
Hope you're kidding about the 631 question. That is the area code for Suffolk County, where the Hamptons restaurants are located.
Hope you're kidding about the 631 question. That is the area code for Suffolk County, where the Hamptons restaurants are located.
I was somewhat interested in the jargon at first, until I explored the site and came upon the directives on how to be a gentleman and treat a lady.
Now, I am known among my friends as the most anal of gentlemen. I go out of my way to familiarize myself with and practice the nitty-gritty by-laws of opening doors, holding elevators, lighting cigs, and entering/exiting vehicles WRT women. My friends complain I am too gentlemanly, and that I need to chill out a bit (I agree).
So when I read the SLNY pages on etiquette, I nearly vomited from the instant rush of tension and stress as it gripped me by the brain stem and started tossing me about. And I thought I was anal! I couldn't understand half the instructions and guidelines, and those I could decipher were ludicrously complicated.
While some guys are trying to adhere to these rules, some smelly, nose-picking schmuck is stealing their date...
If the SLNY resy email is going to encrypt the names of restaurants, then it is useless too me as well.
The 631 is probably the Hamptons' area code.
Just a guess, as I'll be "summering" somewhere very unpopular this year. But I once read about the Hamptons.
For those of you visiting the Hamptons this year, watch out as you cross the street, try not to get hit by any publicists/piano men/mulatto actresses...
Sac, we'd never expect links from you - that'd be like asking Michael Jackson to admit to his plastic surgery or asking Jodie Foster about John Hinckley Jr. or Nicole about Tom's gayness - offlimits, we know.
And thanks for explaing to us what 631 is. We were *kidding*, but the explanations are great just the same.
umm.
yes i'm pimping. sorry.
but if you like this SLNY stuffs then maybe you'll like me better.
actually, most assuredly, you will.
yeah that's right.
what
best of all i speak english
The 'Resy' is the factor someone decided to measure a restaurant's hotness, based on the number of rings it takes for the reservationist to answer the phone and what times are available. I'm sure you can find more details about it somewhere, but wouldn't you rather use your phone for something useful, like calling 866 IDOLS 01? Thanks to all my fans!
Do I really have to explain some of this stuff?
The * on pretentuous without a corresponding footnot is a horribly pretentious thing to do.
"In a decidedly flips flop motivated gait" means "on forward, no backing up". You can't back up in flip flops because they fall off your feet.
"The New Black" is "the new hip thing". The "New Black East" is new hip stuff in the Hamptons ergo the Suffolk area code.
Now, I'm not in the slightest bit hip and I got it. I think IHBT.
Looks like the handy work of computerized translation. Maybe it's written by some ambitious, enterprising new-arrival who writes in his/her native language and then hits the google translation button with blind faith in technology...
Here we have all these blogger-cum-authors protesting that their published work(s) will not be related to their blogs, and dear abbe goes and sells her "online journal" as a book.
Amanda Hesser, SLNY, and abbe. The trifecta is complete. I'm going to McDonald's.
You mean a SLNY dialectizer? So I can talk like everyone at a cocktail party?
Oh, and abbe, "Lice Market"? Classic. Now I'll be reading your site for days.
heyyy
first of all i had a "journal" before there was ever such a thing as online bloggety-blogs
so i'm not allowed to try to ca$h in ???
sheesh.
and my blahg came way AFTER the book thingie.
so nyeeaah
grab me a quarter-pounder with cheese? thanks.
and thanks for at least clicking. really i mean it
well if you read the book you would see the term "lice-market" really evolved from "flea-market"
but i will shut up now because this is supposed to be a SLNY thing not a pxthis thing
although i will add: that "good-looking bungalow-8 dude" can come on and brang it anytime
It's all explained on the slny site. Well, almost all explained.
Shameless shilling, Gothamist.
"lunchbox - slightly to the north, for open air drinks post pier"
There's a tiny little diner on West Street just north of Christopher called Lunchbox, I believe.
Proving the old adage...that which is understood is obsolete.
abbe, I wasn't scolding you for cashing in. I was scolding all these other bloggers for frowning upon it without exception. See, I think you would be considered a bit of a pariah by some around here.
You may take my cash anytime - I've got no use for it.
sometimes i wonder...can this city get any more pretentious?
I'm going out on a limb and saying that this matty of whom he speaks is Matty Karas, a producer/writer type at VH1. They must be in cahoots.
I work with the idiot who "writes" that hideous Blog....he's a smarmy little fuck who parades around and has a shit eating little smirk on his face all day. Everyone hates him at VH1 where he works. We all laughed when he labeled himself "a creative executive"....He's a flunky who does nothing.
Humble Patience: sadly, the answer to that question is almost always "yes".
Simple translation strategy for SLNY-ese if you are an actual human being: write down, on a sheet of lined paper, only the words that are actually the names of restaurants or bars. Memorize them so that you can be very careful never to accidentally enter them, lest you be forced to share valuable oxygen with anyone involved in the production or consumption of this bilge.
Sorry...I'm on ADD overload...I have to change the channel now.
Sorry...I'm on ADD overload...I have to change the channel now.
L.I.E S (no period after the "S") refers to the Long Island Expressway - the most direct route to the Hamptons. A common source of agita for weekend commuters as its hardly an express-way (thus, a lie - and why you would stay city-bound).
Kittichai gets a mention in the June issue of Vanity Fair (p. 48), apparently written by Daily Candy's Dany Levy...
I believe "the lunchbox" refers to an open air food stand/restaurant slightly past Amangansett where folks go for lobster rolls and that sort of thing. It's not bad, but it's no Pearl Oyster Bar.
jmc- i was just thinking about that place the other day- back in college my girlfriend worked there every summer. she'd come back smelling like crabstick, which is what they use instead of lobster in their "lobster rolls". still, most of the food there is very good.
what you say rings true.
Holmes,
Your post got me curious and so I did a little digging of my own. I didn't find much about SLNY, but...can it be true that you haven't worked at VH1 in nearly three years?
damn, crabstick in lobster rolls, I got jibbed. this is what happens when I leave the island of Manhattan. lunchbox is better for their fried stuff (clams, oysters, etc).
i believe the "*" refers to the trend amongst "pretentious" design, fashion, sporting, city guide and architecture magazines to put an asterix in their title.