Dubai Debt Issues Push Stocks Down
Family Gets Early Christmas Gift From Ellen DeGeneres
Photos of D Train Murder Depict Bloody Panic
Stuy Pyro Leaves Notes In Hieroglyphics
Mayor: Sex Trafficking Victims, Please Speak Up
After reading Bridget Harrison's fairly recent column about how long guys/gals should wait till calling/expecting a call after meeting someone, Gothamist started to wonder the same thing, besides when getting back to someone you might like went to pot (which some point to the convergence of Swingers and The Rules). Generally dudes and dames will wait 3 days before calling, apparently taking inspiration from the Benjamin Franklin saying, "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days," warping it so that when you meet someone, you need to call them after three days or else you stink. Playing it cool is always a nice safe strategy, but it's also calculated and safe. Gothamist is a fan of the different: Interest is interest, so call when you want to. Perhaps immediately isn't always the best idea, but if you did get the other's number, why not show that you're not like the everyone else? You may not see the other person immediately, but we feel it definitely gives you a leg up on other possible prospects. And, yes, it was a movie, but at the end, Lorraine called Mike the day after in Swingers. So there. Although, Gothamist probably has it all wrong. How long do you wait to call? Or how do long do you deem is too little or too long?
Men and women on how long to call. Plus Swingers Rules and Lingo.
add to stumble upon
add to reddit
tweet this
post to facebook
I think it's pretty passive aggressive for guys to wait more than a couple days before following up; guys know what they're doing. I've found that 99% of the time if more than three days pass before they call then they aren't interested, are flakes, are playing weird power games, or some undesirable combination thereof. And even if they do finally call after three days, you usualy end up wishing they hadn't.
I think it's silly that people follow all these rules of when to call. I agree with the Gothamist, call when you want to call. If the person who you're after isn't going to go on a date with you b/c you didn't call 3 days 2hrs and 15 mins later, that person is a loser anyway.
A bit from the guy's p.o.v.: this whole business about seeming "too eager" if you call too soon (ie Monday), where's that coming from? It's kind of sad that both men and women participate in building up all these codes that do nothing but make it less and less natural (and likely) for those very same men and women to get together.
One of the most positive impacts a girl made on me was when I had said I would call her, and then she called *me* the next day saying she just wanted to talk to me again. Much like Swingers. That was so refreshing. Games are for high school. Life's too short after that.
The whole "too eager" thing is probably just this widespread fear of desperation... of looking desperate and of being on the receiving end of it.
I don't see that as a rule, I see it as a courtesy. I think it has to do with weekend dating... most people have problems with scheduling first dates Thursday through Saturday, it interferes with existing social agendas. So, it's true you wouldn't go out on a Friday night and call immediately again the next morning for a Saturday invite.
But what if you met on a Sunday, were busy Tuesday through Saturday, and had a great idea for a Monday date? You probably should have asked for a date from the beginning, not just a phone number. You could try and schedule it, though, it's probably not inconvienent and I don't see any desperation in that situation.
I'd be curious to see the results of an informal poll about that type of situation. I don't think most girls - most of the type that I'd go for - would mind that sort of thing, but then again I don't pretend I know anything about women.
your posts are full of typos and errors. makes me question why you don't take the time to proof read before posting.
Regardless of whether waiting to call back is fair or honest, the truth is that it works. Calling back immediately gives the other person a subconscious impression that you're not a challenge, and therefore less desirable. People tend to like mystery and someone that's harder to obtain.
Two days is definitely a good balance. The only exception would be a Friday night, because Monday would be better than Sunday to call (you don't want to seem pushy by taking over his/her weekend).
Yes, this is kind of a game of bullshit, but the game is fun!
Here's the relevant scene from Swingers, and what a great scene it is, regardless of how you feel about the how-long-should-I-wait question. (Clarification for those who haven't seen the movie: Sue is a guy.)
Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely. Two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know, I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, maybe I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we fucked. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what? Ha ha ha, Mike, laugh all you want, but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent and Sue: Six days.
My guy waited +5 and now we are living together...
M, your guy and you living together has nothing to do with the fact that he waited "+5" days, and everything to do with you being a whore.
Nice opinion !