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To Read Or Not To Read

My live-in girlfriend and I have been having difficulties lately. She writes in a journal almost every day. I ask what she's writing about, and she says "personal things." Then she leaves it lying all around the apartment, on tables, on the bed, on my dresser everywhere. I get the sense that she wants me to read it, but I'm worried she'd be upset if I did, or moreover I'd be upset to read something bad about me or our relationship. What should I do?

Curious, Murray Hill

It does sound like your girlfriend might be trying to send you a signal that there are things prominent in her mind about you, especially if she is leaving the journal in your shared and personal space. However, reading her entries would be a violation of her privacy, something that should always be respected even when you're living with someone. Why don't you ask her what you're asking us? A casual "Hey, are you trying to send me a signal here?" might open up the communication between you in a light manner and help her to realize that you are, indeed, curious.

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Comments [rss]

  • FDL

    How about the passive-aggressive: "Hey, I think it's really great that you trust me enough to leave your journal around, because you know I'd never read it" adding a satisfied but clueless-seeming smile. This will convey firmly to her that if what she wants is for you to read her journal, she's not going to get it. Thwarted, she might start putting it away, removing the object of temptation.

  • Jen

    I'd recommend suggesting to the girlfriend that she keep her journal in a safe place - maybe joke "Honey, you don't want this lying around - what if I read it? Ha ha!" If she keeps doing it after you've suggested she keep it out of sight a few times, you need a serious talk. And to anybody tempted to read your SO's diary/journal - just don't.

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