Giuliani Livid Over Bringing 9/11 Trials to NYC
FIT Students Busted For Drug Dealing Get Probation
Oreo The Dog Is Dead, Blame Game Is Not
House Cat Terrorizes Family In Dramatic Hostage Situation
Pregnant Woman And Two Men Shot In Clinton Hill Drive-By
As Gothamist read solutions from the NY Times' Style & Entertaining editor, William Norwich to readers' entertaining questions, we nodded our head ("Yes, when preparing a meal for friends, we shouldn't bend to their crazy diet of the moment!" "Yes, discussing weather at parties is always safe!") Until we hit the last question:
Q. Is it rude for a guest to ask to use a host's computer to check e-mail or surf or play games?This might be where the generational split lies. While Gothamist understands it's rude to surf the web while at a party, checking email can be like checking your voicemail/home answering machine. Sure, it'd be great if everyone had a Treo, but sometimes they don't - and it's the same principle, someone sneaking off to make a call on the cell. Maybe it's just because Gothamist would gladly let someone check their email if there was a small gathering at the house. And maybe it's because we socialize with fellow heathens. Or maybe it's because we're horribly addicted to checking our email - Gothamist looks forward to deleting our spam.
A. Why would a guest ask to do this? Their desire to disassociate from the social interchange is not a good sign of their mental wellness and, of course, it is downright bad manners. Would you let a guest try on your clothes? Asking to use someone's "personal" computer is like asking for a piece of paper from someone's diary. Of course, he or she who wants to use your computer is clueless and will probably need a major explanation of why you are saying no. This may also include professionals of great self importance like doctors and lawyers who think their emergencies are your emergencies. They aren't.
add to stumble upon
add to reddit
tweet this
post to facebook
if it is a small, known group of friends I think checking email/voice mail/etc. is perfectly legit. However, a guest at a home of, at best, an acquaintance, is a different matter. One issue is the "bathroom cabinet" search on the host's computer.
The last time someone asked to borrow my computer to check his e-mail, he managed to find my surfing history by clicking on the arrow next to the URL input box (on purpose or by accident I don't know) and started asking me questions about sites I had been to. I did not like this one bit.
And one question: what if the computer is off vs. on? Is it more rude if you have to turn it on and wait three minutes for the bootup?
Right and good point - I would think there are different categories of guests. There are those you see often, those you don't see as often but don't mind if they check their email; and then people you have never entertained before and want to make a good impression on. I wouldn't ask someone whose house I was going to for the first time to check my email, so it's certainly case by case. I guess Norwich was laying down a general rule to live by - not a bad idea, just one I wouldn't be able to execute.
One thought is to set up a user for guests, so that when you entertain, there's no "bathroom cabinet" searching on your computer when you graciously allow people.
Allow me to be the rude guest at this party; you are all wrong and Norwich is right.
Checking your email can wait until you get home - actually...why did you leave the house to begin with?
I agree with Norwich. You can check your email before you're over, or after when you get home...if it's such an emergency, hello, cellphones? That being said, if a friend made a special request and arranged with me prior to the event to use it, I wouldn't object (and set up a guest user as Jen suggested)...but in general I'd have my computer off or on standby or away from plain sight during a party, just to avoid people asking to use it.
Depends on what kind of event it is & what they want to do.
We have a guest login for weekend visitors (keeps them out of your history) and I would use it for a party. I don't think it would more rude to let people check email/IM than to let them use your phone for a few minutes, but if they surf around it would be just as obnoxious as chatting on the phone for an hour... The rude part is taking yourself away from the group/activity, not the means to do so.
Definitely a generational thing.
I agree with Jen on this one. I have no problem with allowing a guest to check his or her email when they are a guest in my home.
But, this does necessitate some degree of self control on the part of the individual borrowing the computer. Just as it is rude to rummage through someone else’s medicine cabinet or looking under thier bed, you should never never ever click on your host’s history or favorites.
I think people are smart enough to figure out this “new” etiquette on their own and it should be assumed when you are using a host’s computer, that you won’t be checking out his or her porn sites.
maybe it also has something to do with how techie/reliant on email/IM the host is? Like I wouldn't ask a recovering alcoholic for a beer, or expect a vegan host to serve steak...
As a general rule of thumb in entertaining, which is what Norwich is prescribing here, I agree: it's rude. It's one thing if you have a friend over after seeing a movie on a Saturday afternoon, and he's awaiting word on something. By all means, be my guest.
However, if someone has extended the courtesy to invite you into his home, presumably at an expense beyond a can of Spaghetti-Os and fifteen minutes of throw-together beforehand, it's a bracing insult to request to withdraw from social interaction -- the purpose of entertaining -- because a guest refuses to become untethered to his email. It's the technological equivalent of talking about yourself all night: it tells people that what's going on with you right now is *very* important, and you can't be bothered at the moment to hear how they've been.
A friend did this a couple of months ago during a holiday party I hosted. Although I allowed it then, I won't again: he sat at the computer, drinking his glass of Veuve Clicquot, leisurely checking his account while ignoring the other guests. It was inconsiderate of me as host; more importantly, it sent a tacit message to my other guests that his email was more entertaining than interacting with them. It's worth noting this guest also ducked out more than once to conduct lengthy conversations on his cell.
On a brighter note, I love Norwich's advice and style. Easy-breezy, and don't worry about Martha-ing up the place. I imagine Billy gives a very lively party.
I think the *real* question is: "Is it rude for William Norwich to tell me how to live my goddam life?"
Yeah, that's RIGHT.
g
My roommate and I plan on using my PC (which is a spare computer, my real computer is my G4 laptop) as a public terminal for guests to check e-mail on.
I have no problem with my friends checking their e-mail at my house, nor do they have a problem with me doing the same at theirs.
My feeling is that if checking email outside your apartment means that much to you, you should invest in your own hardware.
Does anyone think that William Norwich looks like if David Cross and David Letterman had a baby?
I usually use an alternate browser for all my midget porn and don't put a shortcut anywhere on my desk top so visitors don't see it. Other than the that, I gots nuthin' to hide. I'll let anyone use my computer. Let 'em look at my history. If they made it into my house, I have some level of respect/trust for them.
it disheartens me that this question should even come up, much less be the subject of DEBATE. come ON. YES, IT'S RUDE. it's like saying 'fuck you, i've got stuff to occupy me and i'd like you to wait around while i take care of em' to your host and any other guests. hell, it's rude like swearing in front of grandma, and annoying like tYpINg LiKE ThIs. that doesn't mean that you won't have friends who honestly won't care if you are rude to them; some people don't. i, however, avoid associating with people who think it's ok to do things like answer their cell phones during dinner, conduct lengthy calls around me, forget to introduce me when we run into one of their friends, rummage through my fridge without asking, don't know how to write thankyou notes...etc etc. why are manners such a hard thing to grasp? is it because everyone of my generation was (apparently) raised by goddamn hippies? is it because none of you were spanked enough as children?
SHEESH.
the treo is a poor man's blackberry.
(but fear not, intrepid handspring devotees... palm/hs has apparently licensed the blackberry software for an upcoming handheld!)
It's simply rude. If I have family, friends or acquaintances over then there might be an occasion for an occassional computer use by them. But when friends come over, I often have my computer turned off. And the funny thing is people will ask "Don't you use your computer for work?" and I have to say the obvious thing: "I'm not working now. Let's go out and do [X], [Y] or [Z]"
During parties, the computer is simply off limits and untouchable by anyone. Don't like that? Tough. Deal with not being wired into the 'net for 3-4 hours.
I agree with you Sheila, MRKinLA, Most Idiotic... and Norwich. I do not think this is a generational thing, it's just about manners.
it's ironic how a "generational thing" is what one uses to cover up for rude behavior. etiquette isn't something that only older folks know, or that OS X gen is exempt from. puhleeze, spare me that pathetic excuse.
don't leave your house if you have Internet separation anxiety. don't impose on others when visiting if you can't afford your own Crackberry. if you can't even spring for the poor man's text messaging on your own mobile, then you deserve to wallow in your email induced hell.
ok, I'm being a bit harsh here...but the generational thing always gets to me
"the treo is a poor man's blackberry." !?!?!?
Optimus, I think you have it backward, considering how insanely much more the Treo 600 does compared with a blackberry.
i measure functionality on how *well* the device does something, not how *many* things it does. the blackberry handles email far better than the treo. the treo doesn't even compare
(however, i will admit that the treo's organizer & phone functionality is better)
I find this quite interesting because I've never realized it was rude and my friends do this all the time. However, I didn't find this rude, just somewhat uncomfortable because it was my personal computer and I had links and cookies that logged me virtually everywhere but I couldn't very well say no because they are after all, good friends.
I don't find it rude if someone asks to check their email if we weren't in the middle of anything. For example, if we were just lazing around doing nothing, then I wouldn't be insulted if they wanted to check their email but if we were in the middle of a conversation or a movie or something of the sort, I'd be a little peeved if they suddenly piped up that they wanted to do something else. Nevertheless, I think it's not them being rude but it's just that they've gotten to the point of being comfortable enough to do say. I do draw the line at snooping around, however innocent or casually it might be, but simply opening folders and visiting previous links would be like opening drawers and cabinets in my room.