Transcript: Paris Hilton on Saturday Night

Rumors didn't let America down: Paris Hilton did make an appearance on Saturday Night Live last night. Dressed in a sharp, slightly sexy (but, let's face it, extremely demure for her), Paris Hilton appeared polite, a little nervous, but overall funny in a classic double entendre exchange with Jimmy Fallon during Weekend Update. Kudos, SNL writers and talent bookers, job well done. Here is the unofficial Gothamist transcript:

Tina Fey: Paris Hilton is a name that's on everyone's lips these days. Here now in an exclusive interview with Jimmy Fallon in Paris Hilton.
Jimmy Fallon: Thanks for coming on.
Paris Hilton: Nice to be here.
JF: So, we agreed, we won't be discussing the scandal that's been in the papers the past couple weeks.
PH: I appreciate that.
JF: We want to find about you, Paris Hilton. Your family...the Hiltons own hotels all around the world.
PH: Yes, in New York, London, Paris.
JF: Wait, there actually is a Paris Hilton?
PH: Yes, there is.
JF: Is it hard to get into the Paris Hilton?
PH: Actually, it's a very exclusive hotel, no matter what you've heard.

JF: I hear the Paris Hilton is very beautiful.
PH: I'm glad that you've heard that.
JF: Is there double occupancy at the Paris Hilton?
PH: No.
JF: Is the Paris Hilton very roomy?
PH: It might be for you. But most people find it very comfortable.
JF: I'm a VIP, I might need to go through the back entrance.
PH: Doesn't matter who are you – it's not going to happen.
JF: Fair enough, okay. I throw a lot of events. Do they have ballrooms there?
PH: We do.
JF: Great, I'd love to have my balls held by the Paris Hilton. Sounds awesome. I'd like to check into the Paris Hilton.
PH: I don't think you can.
JF: Really? I'd only be able to stay there a minute and a half...two minutes, tops.
PH: Good luck.
JF: Paris Hilton!

Gothamist was also struck that the musical guest was Pink, who sang her single, "Trouble" (I'm trouble/ Yeah trouble now/ I'm trouble ya'll/ I disturb my town; lyrics).

And we're waiting for the crew at whatevs.org to file their review, but they weren't optimistic about this episode. Gothamist thought Al Sharpton was decent enough (low expectations help), considering he was bolstered by the presence of the brilliant Tracy Morgan. However, it was depressing because as many of the skits became black–focused, it showed how we really don't see the black performers consistently (same goes for the Halle Berry hosted episode); many of the white players only appeared in a rather amusing sketch about the other Democratic candidates watching Al on SNL.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@gothamist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By Jen Chung in Arts & Entertainment on December 7, 2003 12:10 PM

Comments [rss]

sammo

paris hilton rocks she is soooo cool and is a good role model from people my age ( 14 )keep up the good work paris :) we all love u in new-zealand

Joey

Paris is a Goddess. I don't care what anyone says.

Linda

I have scarves for Tiny! E-mail me and I can get you a GREAT deal!

heidi gerlen

I think that it was good and that paris hilton carried herelf well with what was being said.

And i also think she dressed appropately.

PARIS HILTON ROCKS!!!!

Boca Raton

Paris is Interesting! (and not bad looking) But is she really worth making all this fuss over? I mean come on! :)

Ricky

I'm still wondering: did Paris Hilton ever visit the Hilton Paris?

Bob

Comedy central now shows mad tv. and mad tv gets better ratings. the writers must have been out with the flu this season on snl. either that or all the really good comedians are gone now.

Bob

Comedy central now shows mad tv. and mad tv gets better ratings. the writers must have been out with the flu this season on snl. either that or all the really good comedians are gone now.

stereogum

Gah! I wouldn't have transcribed it if I knew you were going to.

http://www.stereogum.com/archives/000987.html

Oh well.

Cheshire

I missed the first twenty minutes or so, only catching the end of "Brian Fellows' Animal Safari," which was always one of my favorite Tracy Morgan characters. I was hoping they would do a Darrell Hammond "Hardball" sketch, with Sharpton doing Sharpton. Did they do that in the first few minutes and I just missed it?

Uncle Grambo

dear gothamist,

thanks for the linkage ... hott!

kowgurl

" good SNL writers" is an oxymoron and has been for years. But for the record they're all busy kissing Lorne's ass, hoping he'll help them pitch a movie idea.

Danielle

I've been a big fan of SNL for the past two years but this last episode was a real stinker. Even Weekend Update was a snooze, with the sole exception of Pimp Pimp which I replayed a few times for myself.

I did delight in seeing Paris Hilton looking uncomfortable and nervous at the close of the show, fidgeting like a kid who doesn't know how to look cool at a party when no one is talking to him.

dahl

damn, i can't believe i missed paris by 15 minutes! and i personally felt that of the skits i saw, the deomcratic candidates one was by far the funniest - the casa del sushi one tempted me to turn off the tv it was so bad.

Tim

Jen, thank you so much for posting the pic and the transcript. I thought I was going to snap if I heard one more mention of Ms. Hilton's name -- but I found myself totally cracking up by this wonderful SNL skit, which was by far the best thing about last night's show.