Sorry (sorry) about the multiple post (multiple post).

Women who drink martinis are *very* hot. Also women who drink bourbon. Women who drink both together, however, need therapy.

Women who drink martinis are *very* hot. Also women who drink bourbon. Women who drink both together, however, need therapy.

I was very disappointed that there was no mention of the Jack & Coke gal.

Like the Manhattan, I believe we are also "take charge" kinda girls. 'Cept we pay less for our cocktails (thus, thrifty!) and have the possibility of dancing on the bar to a Skynard song. In a bowling alley.

Anyone who drinks Long Islands is a man. Even women. Those things will mess you up like no other.

to me, ordering a long island ice tea "from scratch" signals to me that they're a fucker, because it's *really* hard to pour 1/4 shots of five types of booze, especially if you've been drinking a lot already.

and come on, if you wanna drink, drink booze that tastes like booze. anyone that orders drinks like that, or bartenders rootbeer or killerkoolaid, signals to me that they're a pansy-ass.

Guide to Men's Drinking:

Beer: A real man, the salt of the earth.

Bourbon, Irish Whisky: Too impatient to drink beer.

Wine: A snob.

Scotch: A pretentious snob.

Single Malt Scotch: A rich, pretentious snob.

Anything else: Gay.

The cutoff for "man" drinks is that you must taste the alcohol. Preferably some sort of whiskey, if not neat then with coke. Never with Sour Mix. In the summer Gin & Tonic is ok. If it's got so much fruit juice, liquer, etc., that it has some other flavor (like chocolate milk or a smoothie) then Mase's comments apply.

Beer is also ok as long as it isn't that low-calorie Miller crap or non-alcoholic (drinking it means you're gay). Foreign or microbrew beers are best: drinking Manweiser says you are a Brooklyn Guinea (or South Shore of Staten Island). Drinking Heineken says you want to look sophisticated but are too dumb to know what good beer is. Corona is for frat boys.

Fuck it, just stick with bourbon and you'll be safe.

Doug:

Friendster of course!

Now they definitely have to do this for guys. I need to know if my vodka tonic makes me boring and what I should order instead. How else will I ever be popular?

in the interest of starting off good-natured male profiling-by-drink-ordered posts:

Drink: Any "fru-fru" drink

Ingredients: e.g. with peach schnapps

Signal: Caution. He is either a VERY confident metrosexual or, more likely, gay.

according to these profiles, I was classy and monogamy-oriented in my college years, but am now alternately the sexy-girl-next-door, a confident business woman, boring and middle-of-the road, trendy and a "late-nighter" and someone with "no imagination".

Sounds about right.

If the same applies for guys, I adore vodka and wine so hopefully they balance each other out.

If it's been aged in wood more than 8 years, you're a man. If not, you're a little girl.

Moonshine

Ingredients: rye, sugar, corn, yeast

Nickelass: "This signals to me that her gold tooth is real."