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Okay, let's get it out of the way: Madonna kissed Britney. Madonna kissed Christina. Fine. Of course Madonna did something outre and not very Gappy by kissing Britney and Christina, but when Gothamist started to think about it, it was totally predictable and not that hot or exciting. It was calculated and a little boring. It's hot only in the way that the media will be able to say "girl-on-girl" action, but big deal. It would have been better if Britney and Christina kissed. Or if Madonna kissed someone super well-scrubbed who wouldn't be down for it, like Jessica Simpson or Mandy Moore. The Post claims there was tongue, but what else would they claim?
At least there was Chris Rock, being hilariously savage. Highlights:
- The absurdity of someone has hot as Janet Jackson dating someone like Jermaine Dupri
- Justin Timberlake's persona turning white again when he thought he was broke; when revealed that he's been Punk'd, he turns black again, "Aw, dawg, I knew that..."
- How white rappers get all sorts of media coverage, whereas black ones don't
- Ashton Kutcher literally is a motherfucker; maybe he's Punk-ing Bruce Willis
- Saying that Coldplay's song made people want to slit their wrists.
- P. Diddy teaching the Making the Band kids "wrong from wronger."
Gothamist is still laughing. Anyway, we're sorry Johnny Cash didn't win any awards, but the other winners were pretty worthy. (Except Good Charlotte. Who are they? Luckily, John Mayer did not win for that nambly pambly song.) We're of two minds when thinking about Snoop Dogg leading scantily clad women with collars and leashes or Outkast's portable boom boom room, aka a stripper pole on a flatbed truck - it's totally in character for them and kind of funny, but it does perpetuate a lot of crappy ideas about women for the youth. A possibility for next year: A scantily clad Liz Phair leading Snoop on a leash.
Photo highlights and Video highlights from the show, courtesy MTV.
City Cynic's live blogging of the telecast.
The Daily News and Post on the evening. Style and backstage notes at the MTV VMAs.
Updated: Neal Pollack's thoughts on the MTV VMAs for Salon. Gothamist loves his observation that Chris Rock rules and this about our song of the summer, Crazy in Love:
Beyonce wins best R&B Video for “Crazy In Love,” which plays 75 times an hour on BET. I must admit that I think that “Crazy In Love” is one of the catchiest songs of all time. I can’t say the same about the video, which, three-quarters of the way through, takes a ridiculous turn when a car explodes and Beyonce starts strutting around Jay-Z in a fur coat. Just inexplicable. But then Beyonce gets drenched under a waterfall for about 30 seconds, and all is well again.
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Chico Bangs also did a fine job blogging the VMAs.
Johnny Cash did win one award -- best cinematography. Who knew that VMA even HAD a cinematography award?!?!
I don't really care for Madonna, but one thing was clear from the opening performance: Madonna is a 10 times better artist than either of those two poptarts.
So sorry I missed it -- my Madonna mental library will instead remain stuck on that GAP-rap "Where you get them jaaaaanes?"
Brian - there's something hypnotic about the crypto-ethnic woman in the upper right corner during the .8 second "Where you get them jaaaaaaanes?" clip, don't you think? My eyes dart to her every time.
Ooooh, maybe she's a Gypsy!
Madonna also looked a lot better; Christina looked rough! I was worried that during the MTV performance, Missy and Madonna would break out in the Gap rap, though. Really worried.
Could the writing be any worse for the VMA awards? Talentless, humorless, and vapid. I felt embarrassed for the presenters that had to read that garbage.
wow. seems like madonna officially passed the tongue, so to speak, to a younger generation of bad girls. i wonder if she'll retire and write ridiculous children's books full time now.
hate to sound all snarky and all, but i really hate girl on girl as a marketing tool.
Don't get me wrong, I am a red blooded american boy, and girl on girl does in fact have a place on my kink list; but when it is used to try to salvage 3 careers on the downslide it just makes me want to yawn.
Example of "hot" girl on girl:
mistakinly walking in on two female friends making out privately and who are definatly not doing it to get a rise out of their dumb male friends.
Example of "not hot" girl on girl:
Two drunk girls in a crowded bar surrounded by idiotic goons hooting and hollering as though they were watching a football game.
Example of "really not hot" girl on girl:
An over the hill shock hag whose career is on the slide calling the agents' of 2 younger shock hags whose careers are also on the slide, and negotiating and signing a tongue contract.
The VMAs are built on such a false premise. If it's literally an award show in honor of the best videos, then the directors and producers should be given the awards by the artists.
Every year a bunch of artists take credit for making brilliant videos when they merely sign off on treatments, or dumb them down ("I want more hoes shakin they ass in the background") and then the artists barely show up on time to their own sets.
The labels are so tired they don't even consider hiring anyone but that fool Dave Meyers.
Sterling, my eye is drawn to that crypto-ethnic gypsy woman, too. She's the best part of that commercial. Brian: You'll get another chance--and another, and another--to see the VMAs.
Here's my main beef with "Crazy In Love": it's actually two songs. The verses have a standard hip hop/r&b beat, and the chorus--which is a looped sample--has a very different 4/4 rock beat. The two just don't work together. There's no continuity. Now, Yes or King Crimson or early Metallica or even Mars Volta, those songs can have three or four or five parts to them. But that works in prog rock. It doesn't work in pop music. When a pop song switches gears like that, it's just a mess.
Glenn, maybe you need to lead a class, 'cause I still don't understand. Maybe I kind of get what you're saying, but I still think the song is kickin'. Maybe the fact that it doesn't work is what makes it successful. I like the loop better, though.
And of course the VMAs are stupid - it's just like the Oscars or any bigger awards show, they are rewarding their own. But it gives us great material.
In my mind, Madonna and Jessica Simpson have tongue kissed many, many times. Thank you, Gothamist. Thank you...
OK This is getting annoying -- in that Salon article, Suchin Pak is repeatedly called Soo-Jun Park.
as britney, madonna & christina were performing, there was one cutaway to the audience - on mary j. blige to be more precise. did anyone catch it?! her expression was priceless!!! she looked like she was gonna hurl any second. hee.
why didn't madonna kiss the real lesbian on the stage, Missy?
What is the big deal if two girls have the hots for each other and ..yeah Madonna likes to shock, everyone in the paparazzi knows this has been going on for quite a while...flirting,teashirts, visits,limos showing up at a certain icons home late at night and leaving not til the following day quite some many times ..........big deal love is love..whether you're 20 or 44 Madonna wrote a song 'forbidden love' hmmmnn perhaps they are in love Madonna has always had a girl on the side
I HATE YOU BRITNEY SEPARS YOU ARE A LESBIAN!
They are all lesbians! I used to like them. Wow I am so crazy. They are bitches!!
They are all lesbians! I used to like them. Wow I am so crazy. They are bitches!!
Well, don't have so much to say but lets just leave them off to there own lives. Who cares about these pop porn stars if they would kiss it off to piss or impress others. The big deal is the big effect won't be on us but to them... That's all Folks!!! CyberSigma Rocks!!!