Love Means Never Having to Go to a Facialist

Monkeys groom [Warning - this may turn your stomach.] In a move to extend humans' variations on social grooming to the very intimate moments, Anna Holmes investigates the phenomena of women picking their boyfriends' zits. Ew. Okay, Gothamist realizes it happens. But it's wrong (or at least, that's what our facial aesthetician Leah tells us).

One woman, Julie, tells Holmes, "It's difficult to explain, but picking at Dave and removing his blackheads or ingrown hairs makes me feel like I've done something useful ... something good." Various writers of human relationships give their two cents, like Helen Fisher who thinks grooming helps a "women to connect to a man and keep him...touch involves increased levels of oxytocin, a hormone long associated with attachment." Some other psychologists scoff at this burgeoning field of "psycho-dermatology" and one says that this kind of grooming is a way for the groomer to calm herself.

Holmes also addresses the inescapable imagery of what it means to squeeze a zit. One psychologist/dermatologist (a joint specialty Gothamist wasn't previously aware of but it makes sense) offers, "If a woman is squeezing something and there's material coming out of the skin, surely a sexual similarity is in play. There is an undeniable buildup of tension and undoubtedly an orgasmic component to the release. I've even had nurses who admit they really 'get off' on removing blackheads." And Julie affirms that "the fact that I can do it to Dave and he won't reject me, that he accepts that I do it, makes me feel really loved."

While there is a place for brushing lint off someone's shirt, noting there's a bit of food on the corner of the mouth and reaching to dab it away, we're not sure how we should feel about this. It may be nice and intimate to perform extractions on someone's back and there is satisfaction in popping a zit (see Hairspray), Gothamist is pretty repulsed still. Is there code on personals for this, like "I give great back massages" means "I know how to take care of that lingering back acne." And are we in trouble if the people we date have good complexions or we don't want to pop their zits - will there be no love then?

For those of you who don't have someone to pick at your back or for those of your who would rather leave those things to professionals, you can add an upper back buffing to a massage at Bliss.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@gothamist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By Jen Chung in Arts & Entertainment on August 12, 2003 10:46 AM

Comments [rss]

Lancelot Lovejoy

Like drugs, i choose to dwell upon the positive effects of indulging in animalistic behaviors. I have been searching around with my girlfriend to find alternatives to picking at in-grown hairs and it amazes me how many people are on the verge of collapse over something so innate. If it were'nt for the pleasures of scratching feet, tweezing hairs, and popping a good canvas of zits, i think my world may be on the verge of collapse.

NIknDud

I have found all these readings just facinating! I have always loved picking blackheads and wish I could do so as a living. I actually daydream about this and hope some day to find someone to cultivate heads just for me to pick. The picture above of the primates is very appropriate for this discussion. To them, grooming is a social activity. So, why does everyone get so upset about it?

Stacie

Well, I pick at my boyfriends zits all the time. He does me too! We are very close and love eachother very much so why not help eachother out with a few flaws. I guess we just have the type of relationship where we can do anything around eachother or to eachother and feel comfortable. He's my best friend, we will love eachother reguardless of what pops out of our skin! :)

Stacie

Well, I pick at my boyfriends zits all the time. He does me too! We are very close and love eachother very much so why not help eachother out with a few flaws. I guess we just have the type of relationship where we can do anything around eachother or to eachother and feel comfortable. He's my best friend, we will love eachother reguardless of what pops out of our skin! :)

joe

holy mackeral! This describes my fiance' exactly!!! She drives me crazy with her daily zit inspections. When she finds one she acts mad scientist prying and squeezing. help me!!!!

joe

holy shit! This describes my fiance' exactly!!! She drives me crazy with her daily zit inspections. When she finds one she acts mad scientist prying and squeezing. help me!!!!

Elizabeth

First of all, there is nothing wrong with picking blackheads, as long as you first steam the face (gently, and not with a really hot steam); this helps to soften the grease in the pores. Second, make sure you have clean, freshly washed hands. Third, very gently massage the skin beneath the black head so as not to damage the dermis, and forth, apply gentle pressure until the blackhead eases and slides to the outside of the skin. After this is done, hold the blackhead to the light so you can view your catch, similar to a good day's fishing. Turn it around slowly, so you can inspect the size from all angles. If there are any like-minded souls near you, you can show them the results of your labors. Just don't hold it so close to their eyes so that they can't focus on the little gem. Enjoy!

Stephanie

Hmmm, I always thought it was called 'bacne.'

Anonymous

I don't think facialists should mess with blackheads, either. i had a "european facial" once and this sick Swedish women used metal rods and tiny pitchforks on me. and not in a FUN way.. when i left, i was too numb with pain to cry.

Jen

I second that.

eebmore

kristen,

You are blessed.

Kristen

I had a friend who used to pop the black heads out of her boyfriend's nose in one sweeping motion where she'd get like 20 out at a time. I am one who takes pleasure in things like cleaning out the brush of a vacuum cleaner so I was always intrigued by this - but I've never been able to get a black head out of myself let alone anyone else. Do some people have skin that is more porous than others? Why do blackheads not come shooting out of my skin... Or could it be that I don't have any?

Jen

Okay, I am supportive of facialists working on people's skin, because most times us lay people don't know what we're doing...but if you MUST de-zit at home, and aside from having clean hands etc., take a hot shower and let the steam open up your pores. (Or boil pot of water, take pot off stove, throw a wet towel over your head and pot and pretend you're clearing your nasal passages...) The best at home way to do open up the facial pores, though, is the Conair Facial Spa.

eli

That's just gross.

FDL

um, I'm not convinced that popping a zit really is bad for you, provided you have clean fingers and dab the, em, residue away immediately before washing the face. You are left with a teensy scab that goes away in a day, rather than an angry, shiny red and white thing that really, could stick around for years.

And, some boyfriends/husbands do consent to be de-zitted, in spite of the pain, and some people really do get a satisfaction out of this strange grooming (though not an erotic one).

NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW or anything.

DodgeThis

That posting was really disturbing!!!! My wife would never do that and I would never ask her to, somethings are meant to be done alone!!!!! Isn't poping a zit bad for your skin any way?If you get the zit juice on your skin would you get a zit too? Will the original zit haver become the zit popper? I wish I stopped reading at your warning, I really wish I did!!