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Prudence, Slate's advice columnist, gets a letter from a woman whose husband has a thing for Asian women (the couple is Caucasian. Prudence tries to explain the appeal of Asian women:
Their attraction for American men is nothing new; they can be exotic-looking, along with having the cultural stereotype of a docile, man-pleasing submissiveness. This, of course, is not necessarily the reality.
Needless to say, Gothamist was laughing when we read this. Of course, it is a serious problem for the woman, but we were obviously remiss in thinking that the days of men thinking of Asian women as Suzie Wong were over. Being in New York, with other people who are used to seeing Asian women in all forms and graces probably has something to do with it. And, to close, as thousands of doomed visitors to Southeast Asia have learned, prudence is the order of the day when dealing with yellow fever.
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Rock on, Gothamist. I get tired of all the "what's up with the whole asian chick obsession?" question. Like interracial dating is new. Sorry you aren't attracting enough men, bitches, but I doubt an asian obsession or fad has much to do with it. You're probably just not attractive or pleasant or snarky or whatever enough to date Mr. Whomever-it-is that is dating an asian woman. Suck it up.
omg, that entire Prudence column creeps me out. i've never in my life met a docile, submissive asian woman --- they're too busy kicking the asses of people who call them "exotic."
that wife should be way more obsessed by the fact that she has chosen a shallow and simpleminded man as her life partner. ewww!
"but we were obviously remiss in thinking that the days of men thinking of Asian women as Suzie Wong were over. "
Uh, yeah...! I am a black guy who has mostly white male friends. put simply, asian women are like the golden chalice to these guys, so if you didn't know that yellow fever is alive and well, I have to assume you've been in some kind of denial. seriously, it doesn't matter if she's japanese, chinese, korean, or filipino, if she looks asian, they lust after her above all others. it's weird, sad, and kind of pathetic, but because other than this they are really cool guys, even smart women like you are often fooled and think that these white guys DON'T have yellow fever. it's reached the point where I know handsome, intelligent guys with great jobs who are CONVINCED that an asian woman is the only thing for them. I'm sure you'll say something like, "well, if they really have yellow fever, then you can't be too clear headed being their friend" WRONG. Like I said, these guys are cool and intelligent in pretty much every other way. when it's like that it's hard me, or the asian women they hunt (meant to use that word), to stop hanging with them just based on that factor. really, manhattan is yellow fever country and I see no end in sight. SURELY YOU KNEW THIS?????
p.s.
One other thing... I been watching this go on for some time, and there's one thing I want to point out. even when they hook up with an asian woman and she turns out NOT to be docile and super accomodating (this is the case most of the time), they don't care, they just want an asian woman. if she is not docile, no problem. in fact, even if she is a raging b--ch, they don't care, they still hang on just to be with an asian woman. it's pathetic, but it's the truth and I think you of all people should be told this kind of thing. you are intelligent, funny, and seem pretty assertive, so you probably assume that the white guys you date and who stay around "coulldn't possibly have yellow fever" because they realize you aren't docile. not true. many of these dudes just want to be with an asian girl, no matter what.
"many of these dudes just want to be with an asian girl, no matter what. "
excuse me, asian woman. :^)
Yes, Kane, that is all very sad and pathetic, the guys who objectify Asian women as golden chalices, the Asian women who are stupid enough to think that a non-Asian guy could like her for who she is, crazy shit like that.
let's not be cynical, of course there are "non-Asian guy could like her for who she is," I never said or implied otherwise. I just happen to meet and know so many white guys who are "not" that sincere that I felt it was worth mentioning. I can say the same thing for a lot of black guys who date white women. for the record, I practice the Captain Kirk method, I date all shades, including green, as long as she's cute and has a sexy brain. :^)
one of my guy friends who is white has this asian wannabe thing going on--all his friends in college were asian and his girlfriend is asian, of course. i find it particularly amusing when i see him waiting on her hand and foot--boy has she got that boy whipped and he just doesn't seem to care!
and whenever i used to go out with a friend of mine in college who was of Chinese descent, but grew up in Lexington, MA, people would come up to her asking her what nationality she was. the funniest was when a couple of black tourists from the midwest truly were astonished to find she was american!
To Delilah's comment above: "Sorry you aren't attracting enough men, bitches, but I doubt an Asian obsession...has anything to do with it." What a catty, bitchy, horrible thing to say. It's like you manifest the stereotype that the only relationship women can have with each other is a catty, competitive one. I feel sorry for you - what a sad, limited world you must live in. Keep spewing your hate....I'm sure it'll give you that glow that attracts men.
I too have come across waaaay tooo many white men who ONLY date Asian women. It disgusts me. Most of these men don't have the "submissive Asian female" stereotype anymore - but they trumpet their preference nonetheless, couching it in terms of preferring women who are "willowy," "slender," and who "don't need to go to the gym to look good." These I quote directly from a personal ad I ran across this week on craigslist, but I've heard the same or similar from other white men.
I think this kind of ethnic/racial preference is simply unhealthy. To exclude someone from your dating pool because they AREN'T Asian is just as racist as saying you won't date black men/white women/whatever ethnicity. It's sick.
And to be honest, I know JUST as many Asian women who openly tell me they won't date *ANYTHING* but white men. What is up with that limited mindset?
I live in the Bay Area, where interracial dating is common, and I welcome it in all of its forms. But I am sick of coming across white boys who only say they'll date "Asian cuties" and Asian women who will only date white boys. Both types are fucked up, IMHO. And need I mention how SHALLOW it is to pick someone EXCLUSIVELY based on race? UGH UGH UGH.
On an interesting sidenote, I have a white male friend who has a history of dating black women - but I give him props, because when he articulates why, it's for all the right reasons: he likes strong, confident, articulate, and assertive women who don't have body self-esteem issues (well, what healthy man wouldn't?). In his life experience, when he's come across those women, they happen to be black, so he dates them. And his girlfriends have all been very cool. Normally I'd scorn him just as much as the people I've described above, but he doesn't go out of his way to look exclusively for African American beauties - it's just worked out that way.
Delilah, look within - your hate is seeping through to the surface, and it ain't pretty.
I wonder to what extent, if any, anyone else's choice for a mate is really known by their friends. I mean, attraction is a mystery, even to those who feel the attraction, and it seems absurd to judge others for the particular attractions they feel. If you want to talk about objectifying women, fine. But men and women both objectify others, regardless of race. But objectification is different than a fetish. I would point out that a fetish, in its original meaning, was an object believed to have magical power to protect its owner, or something regarded with extravagant reverence. Missing in these comments is the acknowledgement that fetishes have a sense of the holy, even sexual ones. Of course they can disquiet some people, but you cannot legislate people's attractions. And we shouldn't forget that many people enjoy being objectified.
And Kane, who apparently knows a bunch of white guys who only date asian women, where have you been hanging out. i have been a white male, apparently, all of my life, and lived in many different places, including asia, and I have never once met such a man. And you, it seems, know nobody but such types.
I have no idea what you are talking about, Athena. In fact, I don't think you know what you mean, either. I don't hate myself. I'm not competitive with other women, and it's kind of naive of you to assume that I am just because I said something that offended you. I've met lots of men and lots of women who ONLY date one particular race. They are all over the place.
The point of my post is/was -- why the hell would you want to date someone who clearly chooses the people they date based on race? Anyone jonesing for that kind of S.O. has a problem.
I think you read my post wrong Athena, and that's fine, but you might try keeping your uninformed pronouncements on my life to yourself. I mean, for crying out loud, WE ARE MAKING THE SAME POINT.
Were you just in the mood to disagree with someone?
You girls need to chill!
Got to go, my Asian wife is bossing me around again. Long live yellow fever.
I'm one of those white guys who will only date asian women. Why? They are usually much prettier than white women. They are slender, they have good fashion sense, and their clothes usually look dynamite on them. None I've ever met is hyperfeminist, they really want to be feminine. There's certain characteristics that you are much more likely to find with white chicks: greediness, shallowness, and self-centeredness, and worst of all, fatness. The last thing is that most I know are about 30 IQ points higher, which can be very sexy. And that "exotic" myth is all BS from people want to find an excuse for their shortcomings -- I've never met an asian woman whom I thought was "exotic", much less dated her for that reason. The reasons are: sexy, pretty, feminine, and smart.
John makes a good point. Femininity is definitely attractive to many males ( I'll let thousands of years of human history speak to that ).
I've been to Asia a bit, and while I don't run around with yellow fever, there is something to be said about striking up a conversation with a woman who doesn't think I immediately intend to sleep with her or expects me to kiss her a**.
You find too much in the last sentence in a lot of the West. I tend to find a lot of bitter resentment expressed about the attraction many Western men have to Asian women, rather than a consideration of a little introspection.
I just don't see the crime in being attracted to people of a particular race, any more than being attracted to people with a certain hair color, or of a certain height, or whatever. So I like Asian women's physical characteristics better ... so what?
Before I went to work in China, I didn't have any 'yellow fever'. I didn't think about it.
Then I discovered that Chinese women could be so beautiful and intelligent, playful and lively - and fun to be with.
I'm not American, but let me add this: Yes, (white) American women really ARE the least attractive women in the world. All this talk about being 'strong' and 'independent'...sorry, girls - apart from being largely just rhetoric, it's a real turn-off.
I take my hat off to American men for tolerating you all for so long.
Yes, I know we're not 'supposed' (or even really 'allowed') to think this way. But we do. Having a relationship with a Chinese woman is not like being with you - a humourless, emotionless, uninteresting chore. It's fun.
So suck on that.
Before I went to work in China, I didn't have any 'yellow fever'. I didn't think about it.
Then I discovered that Chinese women could be so beautiful and intelligent, playful and lively - and fun to be with.
I'm not American, but let me add this: Yes, (white) American women really ARE the least attractive women in the world. All this talk about being 'strong' and 'independent'...sorry, girls - apart from being largely just rhetoric, it's a real turn-off.
I take my hat off to American men for tolerating you all for so long.
Yes, I know we're not 'supposed' (or even really 'allowed') to think this way. But we do. Having a relationship with a Chinese woman is not like being with you - a humourless, emotionless, uninteresting chore. It's fun.
So suck on that.
Haha props Mark, very well said.
The American media glorifies and idealizes the Caucasian woman like she's the epitome of beauty incarnate, so much so that it's quite sickeningly sad. You see it saturated and plastered all over our media everywhere you look...Brittany Spears or Christina Aguilera are all genetic clones of a infinite supply of look-alike suburban white-girl you can find in any suburban town through the U.S. Hell I can spit a spitball and hit one in any direction. They're loud, ignorant, self absorbed, unspiritual, uncultured, oblivious to their own unfemininity, and suffer a obnoxiously evident case of premium brand superiority over all non-whites. And I happen to be half-white, so I've grown up in the 'white man's world' long enough to know what the hell I'm saying.
lol. Very interesting conversation here. I definitely agree that Asian women are some of the most stylish people on this planet. If you ever get the chance to go to Shanghai or Hongkong, you will simply be amazed by how well dressed the girls are, with individual flare and delicately matched everything. It's not like here in US, where everybody you see wears a pair of jeans, that even the most trendy people are sporting generic department store's spin on "what's chic this season". It's so boring, and bland. Blah...
Stereotypes ... stereotypes... stereotypes. Don't we all participate in them? Me? An asian woman lover. So does that then mean I'm nuts, need a shrink, have an obsession with little girls etc etc? I don't think so.
As far as my "obsession", I share many reasons mentioned in my fellow "obsessed" types' posts. None of the usual reasons apply for me, ever (he wants a docile, submissive subservient child-bodied sex slave blah blah blah - a bunch of crap incidentally, and almost always expounded by caucasian chicks feeling the competition).
However, I can see the turn-off for Asian women themselves in terms of dating my type. When confronted with this, my retort is merely that the physical characteristics of Asian women epitomize feminine beauty to me, and that's just my preference. In other words, I prefer attractive women to not-so-attractive women as I see them. Of course, there are exceptions among all the races. I am open to all shades, including caucasian. But how many caucasian women look and move like Nicole Kidman? It's all about the law of averages when it comes to "which race is the hottest". Even among different Asian races.
I've had Asian women (btw, very 2nd, 3rd and 4th generation American) open up their eyes when hearing this, and say "wow, I never looked at it that way". Others, of course, have still felt I was nuts - their right in my view.
Of course, it's stupid when one chooses a mate based solely on looks, but it is, after all a starting point that we all subscribe to. How many of us "check someone out" based on their brains and personality first? Please. For the "Asian Obsessed Man-Hating Club" types, it merely means you don't understand our concept of beauty and preference. If you pass judgement up on us, shouldn't you also pass judgement on the "Tall dark and handsome" preference or "Tight butt" preference? It's all the same since you're honing in on a physical characteristic after all. Our physical preference is that of the Asian gene-pool, instead of big butts or firm pecs (or perhaps, including :)). So please, give the "yellow fever" thing a rest.
For me, it is very unexplainable, but I have always felt more comfortable with Asians in general. Most of the culture and language that I've experienced (while living there, learning languages, even practicing religion) is generally more appealing to me than the typical American mindset. Perhaps a past life thing?
However, the sad story to this is that I lost the love of my life due to the Yellow Fever misconception. She felt strongly, and I was unable to prove otherwise, that I chose her just for looks. Perhaps that was the inspiration for the first "shall we dance?" proposal, but within minutes I knew that if she was 300lbs, caucasian, droopy boobs and huge zits that I still would have chosen her and stayed with her. The asian piece was only the initial attraction, but not the binding one. (Sue - if you're out there, you know who this is... "I Can Dream About You, If I Can't Hold You Tonight")
Just my view. Sorry so long.
Ah, ethnicity. The biggest taboo in North America.
What I think most Asian folks (volk?) miss in the "yellow fever" debate is the horror we North Americans have with racism, and the way racism plays a part in the "model minority" thing.
Asians, I think, are much more at home with prejudice than Americans. The Chinese hate the shit out of the Japanese. Thai folks have problems with the Burmese. And so on... So (as far as I can tell) the various Asian folks that end up here don't always really *get* the American taboo about race, and consequently are kind of naive about the way European-Americans, Jewish-Americans, and African-Americans (among others) try to appropriate the latest "foreign" culture.
What a minefield. Damn. All of this sidesteps the question of whether or not white boys have yellow fever. Of course we do. Dark hair and low body fat, what the hell else do you want?
The standard canard is that white boys want women who fit the Asian sterotype of being submissive. This stereotype, in America, has poisoned roots: both in the colonial rhetoric of the Vietnam war and in the "black-men-as-rapist" rhetoric of racism in the 1960's. For the record, the "submissive Asian woman" thing is being battled out by folks like Frank Chin, David Henry Huang, and Amy Tan. The stereotype of the submissive Asian woman has its adherents but isn't entirely plausible, is taking heavy damage in academia, and sure as hell doesn't match up with my excursions into yellow fever territory.
It's tempting to laugh out loud over insecurity about white boys stealing yellow women after decades of damn near identically racist rhetoric pointed at black men. What's harder to do is bitch about the men and women who wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. Is anyone surprised that some black people wonder what all the fuss is about with white people of the opposite sex? Is anyone going denounce white folks wanting to know if there's anything to all that Madame Butterfly hype?
Quit complaining and get over it. It's just not that big a deal; you'll live.