Tony Clinton For Prez

OK, so I used to be much more of an anglophile than I am now - you know, listened to Blur, Pulp, The Stone Roses, and all that pretentious rock of the Nineties. After having spent a week in Manchester and trying to find a decent restaurant of any cuisine -- any -- and after having realized I was more likely to find a Zionist in Pakistan than fresh fish and vegetables in the UK, I gave up my anglophilia and decided that New York City is the only decent location in the world.

But food aside (and that a BIG aside), Brits do have some strong points. Take for instance PM Tony Blair. The man's political career in the UK is practically over. Everyone hates him over there. George Michael, in all his political wit, made a music video portraying Blair as a puppy dog to the monkey-like Bush. His Labour comrades practically burn him in effigy. But here, the man is gold. Compare him to Democratic nominees for Prez '04. Lieberman talks like he woke up 10 minutes before he got on camera, and, in case you're wondering, America will not vote for a Jew. Kerry is as pedantic as Gore, and has as much charm as Humphrey in the 60s. Sharpton - too obvious to write about.

But Blair? He's got the suave charm of Clinton, the intelligence of Clinton, the youth of Clinton -- hey, we can have Clinton back! The free market with a smile, the welfare state that will still kick you in the ass, the war in Iraq with a nod to international reality -- and a cute accent to boot. I say: give that man a political green card, start up a sweet Political Action Committee, and go with it! Tony Clinton is our only hope.